Bramblerose
Now The Work Is Over
Now the work is over,
And the fun's begun.
Gaily we have gathered
Here one be one!
Now the quest is finished
Let us end our day
Right here at the Troll
Where we can laugh and play!
The tunnel was so nasty
Stinky, slimey too
But the Warg did like it
She went A WOOOOOO!
She disappeared once,
But reappeared again.
And became a toy
To the Jabberwock (a friend).
Aerio and Celebsul
Started off the search.
They grabbed some Cherry B
And went off in lurch!
But the Cherry B
Did save the day
It came in mighty handy
When Aerio did spray.
Meri and Erin
Hobbits through and through
Brought light and food and liquor
Baking powder too!
They followed very valiantly
And in the end
Almost became
Our fire torched friends.
Oh the Jabberwock
Was fierce it is true.
Then he got his mommy
And she was worse too!
Then Ekla found us
And shocked us to the floor
She said she went and married
And made a great score.
So here we are returned
To our lovely home
And we start to think now
Where next should we roam?
Let us take a break here
And drink to our content
So bottoms up, To us! I say,
We are so valiant!!!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
It's Friday the fourteenth and the kids are excited
It's the last week of school and their all benighted.
It start in the morning, when we all learn
Five kids got an early start on summer term.
The five were arrested early that morning,
They were at a party the police were a-storming.
The charges are alcohol, gang activity and drugs
I never thought of these students as thugs.
The day went along until eighth grade lunch
When they decided to throw food a bunch.
The cans and the apple cores they went a-flying,
And under the tables some students went diving.
The principle came in and she was all upset,
She told them to stop, then uttered a threat.
The kids paused in their fight and laughed in her face
And decided it was fun to throw food at HER place.
At the end of lunch when the kids were released
Someone pulled the fire alarm and the riot increased.
They charged out of the building and ran all around
Their sixth period teachers couldn't be found.
It got straightened out and the students went in,
Only to have the alarm pulled again.
They came right back out, then to class returned,
And immediately the alarm was pulled for the third.
By the time they went in seventh period had started
And this time we made sure all the alarms were guarded.
But someone wasn't doing their job
Alarm number four made all teachers sob.
I lined up my students reminding them where
Our meeting place was and we went down the stairs.
Of course I lost two students along the way
I started to think this wasn't my day.
While we were outside, two police cars pulled up
And told us a house nearby had just been held up.
The twelve hundred students outside were all charmed,
The teachers were not, since the robber was armed.
The alarms were turned off (with permission of course)
And the police told us to stay inside 'til they found the source.
A code blue was called - no one was to move
We stayed in our rooms, a challenge this was to prove.
Can I go to the bathroom? Can I go drink water?
The students were asking, thinking my will would totter.
And just when it couldn't get any worse,
We were told that the students couldn't disperse.
Two fourty is the normal end of the day,
Until three o'clock we all had to stay.
We finally shooed all the students out
And not one of the teachers hung about.
All of the teachers were thinking "oh no"
We still have four school days to go.
Maybe over the weekend their spirits will cool
Or else we are in trouble this last week of school!
Monday started wonderful, with no worry
And I hoped this wouldn't change in a hurry.
All of the eighth grade went to King's Dominion,
The end-of-the-year trip, undeserved in my opinion.
But the students behaved for most of the day,
They checked in and had fun, my fears were at bay.
Then at the end of the day, loading the bus
A security guard appeared (this wasn't a plus).
Four of our students were in custody of the park,
They had been caught shoplifting, having a lark.
Good news, only two were actually light-fingered
The other two were friends who had stupidly lingered.
The busses were late getting home that day
And all the teachers were thinking "Tomorrow they go away."
For Tuesday was promotion, the end of eighth grade
A special ceremony with speeches and congratulations was made.
Unfortunately, two students never made it
They had a fight on the bus and both got hit.
Both ended up at Holy Cross hospital
A broken hand and nose made walking the stage impossible.
The rest of the day was pretty normal at school,
The sixth graders were away at the pool.
So only the seventh graders had to be entertained,
And after lunch a movie was ordained.
The students brought food and we watched Harry Potter
Only one kid brought soda, so they had to drink water.
About halfway through, they needed new fun,
So that is when our food fight was begun.
Chips and popcorn, M&M's and candy
Sailed though the air, they thought this was dandy.
I turned the movie off to much protest
And elbow grease they had to invest.
Each student who wanted to leave the room
Had to take a turn at the broom.
Since this was fair, they all went to work
And called those who had started it "jerk."
Wednesday was the seventh grade trip to Six Flags
Which, wonder of wonders, had no snags.
Back at school the sixth graders were antsy
And made whatever trouble suited their fancy.
Thursday, thank goodness, was the very last day
And only half of it we had to stay.
Pictures were taken and in yearbooks we wrote
And the year was ended on a bright note.
For at the end of each class lots of hugs I received
"Don't forget us!" the students would plead.
So with tears in my eyes I waved the busses away like a fool
As I thought "Oh, what a wonderful last week of school."
June 2002
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Bunnie Bugs
Sam's Lament for Gandalf
The oldest wizard ever bred,
His fireworks, in stars of red;
Too bad he had to go that way -
He just became Balrog Flambé.
By Bridget and Bunnie
From the Stupid Ring Parody II.7.
Ambition
Whispering, muttering, bothering, pestering;
Pray, do not heed the One Ring.
Constantly murmuring, nattering, pestering,
When what it really wants is...to SING!
February 2002
Camellia Took
Hum Diddle Do
Camellia:
A Troll who was known to be a bit hasty,
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da Day,
Went on a long stroll to find somebody tasty,
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da Day.
Milo:
Then an early sunrise showed all of it's glory,
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da Day,
Now a statue of a Troll sits in Middle Earth's quarry.
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da Day.
Camellia:
An Orc who was known as a great, big meany,
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da Day,
Met a noble young lad who then called him a weeny,
Hum Diddle Do Diddle Dee Da...Whoops!
From The Burping Troll - July 2002
Celebsul
Celebsul's Imitation of Bombadil
Oh Fal, La, La, Trally
I spy a huorn
Old Tom's off his trolly
His blue jacket's torn
Let go of E3 or you'll wish
You weren't born
Oh Fal, La, La, Icky
Look down at my boots
Not yellow, but sticky
I'll stomp on your shoots
Old Tom will get nasty
And wither your roots
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
Collaborations
An Ode to the Parodists
Our parodists they are so classy.
Though oftentimes they get right nasty,
With a *biff* and a *bop*,
Then a "You're great - don't stop!"
And they're off to the Troll for an Asti.
Now it's Idril who keeps us in line,
And her posts are exceedingly fine.
She says, "Watch your grammar!"
And, "Try not to stammer,"
With her wit she helps everyone shine.
And you know BadWargMama's a hoot!
When the timid ones see her, they scoot.
She signs with a "grrr,"
But I know we concur
That her Warg-sig's not scary, it's cute!
And then there's our gal, Bridget Chubb,
Trailing hobbits she met in a pub.
Though she's been a bit pervy
And sometimes quite nervy,
Both our pal and her posts we sure luv!
Our Meri's got good stuff to say,
Though she's "Mommy" all night and all day.
[On a personal note,
I do wish (please don't gloat!)
That my folks had spelled my name your way!]
And that Sillimarilli is really
A great help when your life's getting hilly.
Yes, her intellect's steep,
And her thoughts are so deep,
Still, the best is when Silli gets silly.
Sir Russ is a knight not a knave
His humour is stunningly brave
While Idril can Humph!
And Meri can thump
No-one can make him behave
Another line for our friend Russ
Who got Samwise a girl with no fuss
Said Sam, with a leer,
"Do you wish you were here?
My precioussss I can't thanks you enoughs."
Bunnie is our resident parodist
Who really has the hang of thist
But her work is her own
it's not out on loan
because she is not a plagiarist.
Greene Lady, she thought she could write,
The parody seen on this site,
But it all went so wrong,
So she wasn't there long,
Yet she may come back sometime, just might!
Greene Lady could write up a storm
She invented formhal, formul, form...
Real life really sucks
Stay here with us, Chucks
Join in again, please, aw go'arn
AslnLewis has taken the time
For writing and posting this rhyme
I do think that she
(I know you'll agree)
Has written an ode so sublime!
By AslnLewis, Silarien, DancinDebyC, qkbeam, The Greene Lady and
Silarien
Ekla Reuel
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I'll wine and I'll dine you
On fresh minstrel stew!!!
February 2002
Bad Valentine!!
As I went over Tip-in-Tyne,
I chanced upon my valentine.
Chocolates and with flowers galore,
A kindly chap, but such a bore!
He saw me and his face went green,
And awful shades I'd never seen.
Gifts bought for another, he had?
My Valentine was such a cad!!!
I stole the presses, lightening quick
And scoffed the chocs till I felt sick!!
The blooms I threw upon the road,
My Valentine was such a toad!!
Without a thought, I left him there,
Then I raced homewards like a hare!
And if you go to Tip-in-Tyne,
Please spit upon that Valentine!!!
February 2002
Master Ferny Went Off A-Courting
In days of old, when Hobbits were bold,
Master Ferny went off a-courting,
His hair 'twas slicked with lard in vast bulk
And stolen blue jacket he was sporting.
His boots were black as a Ring Wraith's charm,
Ripe manure in great swathes encased all.
Odours, which captivate Orc maidens
But cause other fine ladies to fall!!
His attire would not be completed
Till a flower, the finishing touch,
But limp and withered rose hung stifled,
As the whiff of his boots was too much!!
On trod he, our stagnant Romeo,
Yonder Prancing Pony he made way.
To impress androgynous barmaids,
With verses he'd thus practiced all day.
The doord mighty before him,
Caused by forceful vacuums some do say,
Of customers scrambling for the back door,
In haste, to be out of putrid's way!
So, to the deserted bar went Bill,
His round of refreshments 'twas quite cheap,
For horseflies do not require pressed ale,
When they're trailing a mobile dung heap!
I lie that the bar-way was empty,
To say that nought left could stand to breathe.
Bar wenches where employed to resist
The acrid smells of locals from Bree.
Among this young crowd of fair maidens,
One-aged lass seemed to stand from the throng.
She'd strange features, which rare some may think,
To Bill, they were as sweet as his pong!!
Shyly, she made small conversation,
Doey-eyed Bill noticed not a thing.
This maiden's complexion was stubbled,
Over her lips and under her chin.
Her teeth, they were marvelous frightening.
A cesspit could describe her breath.
Most folk sickened green from its foulness
Waning palely as though close to death.
Of glossy dark tresses there were none,
In there stead was hair like barbarous wire.
Three jugs in each massive hand she held,
Call her pretty? I'd call you a liar!
But Bill was smitten by this damsel,
Enthralled he by her wit, grace and charm.
He even laughed heartily at her,
When a hand-wrestle near broke his arm!
A clandestine meeting was arranged,
In solitude, where none may be missed,
Around the back of the stable yard
Smacked Bill Ferney, a whopping great kiss!!
Our master was fair taken a-back,
By monstrous force, of the kiss returned.
He gasped for his breath, waning greenly
And his lips, teeth and tongue they did burn!!
Though true love's way is always blighted,
Bill could see none to hinder his path.
It came as fair shock to discover,
Courted pantless Uruk-hai , he hath!!
Oh poor Master Ferny was heart broke,
So speedily homeward he dashed hard,
In his own reeking hovel he hid.
From the Pony his conduct was barred!!
February 2002
The Gusty Ballade of Brave Sir Idril!!!
Poor Sir Idril, a cowardly fellow,
With nimble feet and heart a of yellow,
When often was heard Idril's battle cry,
In the wrong direction would Idril fly!
Brave, brave Sir Idril
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
She quickly turned her tail and fled.
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Proud knights would stand with their swords and lances,
Against mighty foes, they would take chances.
But a suit and great plumes upon her head,
Idril preferred to be tucked up in bed!
Brave, brave Sir Idril
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
She quickly turned her tail and fled.
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Maximus Gaseous was her nickname,
As her turbulent bowels were far from tame.
Most naked flames were strictly forbiddened,
A normal purp, a forest twas riddened!
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
She quickly turned her tail and fled.
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Once, Idril's company came upon foes,
Nice legs, ugly faces and hairy toes.
They were mean and nasty, obviously Orcs,
Idril bolted, dropping her rectal corks!!!
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
She quickly turned her tail and fled.
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
She broke wind and there was a potent roar,
Gassed were enemies, which fell by the score!
The knights all cheered, the battle was won!
Idril continued to head for the sun!
Brave, brave Sir Idril
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
She quickly turned her tail and fled.
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
We bards rejoice at Idril's victory,
Dull were our rhymes of deeds so cowardly.
Her windy nature proved to be the thing
So now, instead we all loudly doth sing
Brave, brave Sir Idril.
Brave Sir Idril ran away,
She bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head.
She purped and all the Orcs lay dead!
Brave, brave Sir Idril!!!!!
February 2002
The Nazgul's Blacksmith.
It's hard enough being a farrier
When you're working for the witch king.
His horse is always damn nasty
From galloping after the ring!
Nazgûls don't call when they're coming
Just arriving, then on the spot
You tell them you've got pre-bookings
They act like they don't give a jot!
I admit, I had no training,
Just picked up a hammer and nailed.
And bashing away quite carefree,
Then usually my thumb I impaled!!
In bandages, their bill I write
A receipt, I've just got to do.
They claim it back off their taxes,
They're claiming off Saruman too!!
Never a 'thank-you' when they leave,
No, 'see you next time, good job done'.
They swan off, all high and mighty,
Yep, they really are just big scum!!
Well, a blacksmith's life has no charm,
I'm covered all day in grey soot.
Insurance covers my mishaps,
Like sticking a nail in my foot!!
I'll never retire all that rich,
But my job brings in the money.
What will Wraiths do, when the rings gone?
They'll be jobless, now that's funny!!
February 2002
Tom and Goldbery - The Lost Years!!
Old Tom Bombadil was quite an irritating git,
He worn loud clothes, thought his poetry a hit!
In summer he picked flowers and skipped through the lanes.
Spouting childish songs which caused many to complain.
His vocabulary was awful, mothers often cried
That finny-fish and dab-chicks he'd made up while inside.
He'd done hard time in Mordor, the crime was never said.
They all thought him harmless, something missing in the head!
He'd got this girlfriend Goldberry, something of a catch.
Most thought her too good for him, not the perfect match.
She had such an empty head, butterflies went through,
Sometimes even water rats used to swim there too!
This mentally challenged pair had a strange plan in mind,
Let's steal from the rivers, lilies of every kind.
They even stole from gardens, pubs andparks,
And laughed as they went thinking it a mighty lark!
Poor and brainless pair, their crimes were so plain to see,
Two days into their junket, they were caught in Bree.
"Guilty!" shouted the jurors, no appeal to stand,
Community service decreed, working on the land.
Now they live in a hill, by the Withywindle,
Tom talks to poor old trees growing in the dingle.
Goldberry cooks for her man, keeping house indoors,
A parole officer checks they complete their chores.
So, if you see this weird pair running down the track,
Carrying lots of lily flowers in a massive sack.
Singing some strange songs with words you had never known.
They're back into their old ways. Police, quickly phone!!
February 2002
Ekla - fighting for little breath
From a stink which was just like death
Sausages for the Wargy will
Make the lot of us sickly ill.
The full moon may be silver round
But I won't be hanging around
To be gassed on this first of March
From a stench which caused seas to parch!!!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Frodo's Song about Strider the CRUISER
(Not Strider the Ranger)
There once was a Cruiser, Strider t'was he called.
He ranged over kingdoms far with deeds that appalled.
No halflings were safe if to the Shire he came.
A friendly smile and wink t'were all part of his game.
Runaway! Runaway! Runaway Hobbity chap!
He's a pervey Hobbit Fancier, some do say he has the clap!
He stalked all his victims with said smile and wink,
Most knew of his coming, as boy, did he stink.
This odour would carry on wind, rain and gale,
While people rang retching, with faces all pale!!
Runaway! Runaway! Runaway Hobbity chap!
He's a pervey Hobbit Fancier, some do say he has the clap!
He once spied a Halfling, with lovely blue eyes.
Thought Strider, I'll have him, won't he be surprised!!
The Cruiser loomed in on his subject so near,
Aiming his weapon at the poor Hobbit's rear!!!
Runaway! Runaway! Runaway Hobbity chap!
He's a pervy Hobbit Fancier, some do say he has the clap!
From the Stupid Ring Parody I.9.
Erin Rua
The Troll Slayer
A Troll there came a-grumbling,
a-gnashing teeth and mumbling,
His scaley feet a-stumbling,
and all to spoil the day.
He stomped petunias in their beds,
He pinched the pansies's pansy heads,
and scared the marigolds half-dead,
and all to the spoil the day.
He sneered until his teeth were dry,
He cursed the bluebirds in the sky,
He even made a robin cry,
and all to spoil the day.
But came a figure o'er the rise,
and such a sight for sorer eyes;
A valiant knight in odd disguise
a-riding through the day.
He wore a sauce pot on his head,
and donkey feet beneath him tread,
But on this noble heart was sped -
He'd come to save the day!
Sir Russ, Sir Russ, the greenwood yowled.
The fearsome foe awaits you now -
It's soured the milk within the cows!
Pray, come and save the day!
And so he went with battered blade
and dented shield his Mom had made,
But duty was upon him laid -
he had to save the day.
And lo, he found the trollish troll,
a-trolling round as trolls will troll,
rejoicing in his trollish stroll
whilst mucking up the day.
Hark! and Ho! Sir Russell cried,
and Stop! and Whoa! and #@$*& your eyes!
And then the trollish fur did fly
- Sir Russ would save the day!
Sir Russell hacked and hew and swore,
and then he hacked and swore some more
- The troll spat loogies back and fore -
But all to save the day!
And so the vanguished foe was sent,
and crying "mommy - MOM!" he went.
His trollish deeds at last were spent -
Oh, what a happy day!
Sir Russ then put his sword away -
His fiery steed just yawned and brayed -
But all the sunny world proclaimed -
Sir Russ had saved the day!
So let us hail the hero bold,
with pretzels, beer, and whiskey old -
All hail our vanquisher of trolls -
Sir Russell saved the day!
August 2002
