Acceberryan
Bohemian Rhapsody
Is this the one ring? Is it a normal ring?
Caught up in Mordor no escape from this evil thing.
your hand, and give the ring to meeeeeeeeee!
I'm just a hobbit, I need a fellowship!
easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Any where the ring goes doesnt really matter to me! To me.
Gandalf, I've got the ring
I wear it on a chain but I buy it with great pain
Gandalf, the rings come to me! And I just can not throw it all away!
Gandalf, oooooooooh Take this ring from me! For it cannot stay in the shire.....
Too late, My time has come
the ring sends shivers down my spine, my bodies aching all the time,
Goodbye all you hobbits! I've got to go!
Got to leave you all behind and face the ring.
Gandalf oooooooooh I cannot do this alone! I sometimes wish the ring had never come to me!
(guitar solo)
I see a little sillhoueto of something
Scaramouche scaramouche Sam I think we're being followed!
Thunder bolts and lightening Gollums really frightening me!
Oh my precious! Oh my precious! Oh my precious trixy theives!
GIVE ME THE PRECIOUS-SS-SS
I'm just poor Smeagol, nobody loves me
He's just poor Smeagol, tries to take the ring from me!
Spare him his life from the cruelty of the ring!
(Ring + Gollum)
My precious! Noooo i will not let him go
LET HIM GO!
My precious! Nooooo i will not let him go
LET HIM GO
My Precious Noooo I will not let him go
LET HIM GO
will not let him go
LET HIM GO
will not let him go
Oh let him gooooooooooo
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Oh masster masster, Oh masster masster
Good Smeagol will be your guide
SARUMAN! Has the dark lord got a plan for meeee?
For meeeee?
For MEEEEEEEEEE?????
(solo)
So you think you can give me this ring and then send me to die?
So you think I'll go Sneaky and get past the Eye?!
Ooooooh Sam! I can't do this Sam!
The rings got a hold, the rings got a hold over meeeeeeee!
Nothing really matters, hope has up and left
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters......
but.....death.
My precousssssssssssssssssssss
January 2003
Aneya26
Treebeard's Song about the Entwives
Where have all the Entwives gone? Long time passing.
Where have all the Entwives gone? Long time ago.
Where have all their flowers gone?
War came through, done gone and smashed 'em, ev'ry one.
When will they ever learn?
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.4.
Treebeard Sings About the Entwives Some More
My Entwife lies over the ocean
My Entwife lies over the sea.
My Entwife lies over the ocean
O bring back my Entwife to me.
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my Entwife to me,to me
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my Entwife to me.
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.4.
Bad Warg Mama
A Hard Day's Night
(sincere apologies to the Beatles)
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when you get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright.
You know you looked all day
to find the wargy who ran away,
And it's worth it just to hear us say,
we really missed her yesterday,
So why on earth should we moan,
'cause when you get her back home,
You know we'll feel ok.
When she's home,
everything seems to be right,
When she's home,
getting herself in a fight, fight (Ummm).
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when you get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright.
So why on earth should we moan,
'cause when you get her back home,
You know we'll feel ok.
When she's home,
everything seems to be right,
When she's home,
getting herself in a fight, fight (Yeah).
It's been a hard day's night,
and you've been looking for the warg,
It's been a hard day's night,
You should be sleeping like a log,
But when You get to the Troll
this place is ever so droll,
And makes you feel alright,
And makes you feel alright,
And makes you feel alright.
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
I'll Be There
singing: I'll be the-ere. I'll be the-e-e-ere ...
She'd found her honey and she'd had her fun
Thought she'd get a drool out of everyone
Yeah. she'd hid and married her man over there
One day thought she heard a voice calling "I'll be there"
I'll be there to see you down without a friend
I'll be there to see him get his in the end
I'll be there
You might be in liquor sales and maybe sell stale beers
You might be a Balrog queen or a boudoir star
Yeah, but if he thinks he's got it good he'd better just beware
One day he's gonna hear that voice howling "I'll be there"
I'll be there when you've got nowhere left to run
I'll be there to make him pay for what he's done
I'll be there
I'll be there to see him wriggling as he burns
I'll be there to give the knife some extra turns
I'll be there
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there
Ah, don't you worry now, I'll be there
Just look over your shoulder and I'll be there
You just bet that I'll be there ...
apologies for the distortions go to Matthew Fisher
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
Burping Troll Bill
(originally Bungalo Bill by the Beatles and inspired by Pippin the Elf)
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
He went out spider hunting with his elves-in-pants and gun
In case of accidents he always took his mom
He's the all American bullet-headed Saxon mother's son.
All the children sing
Hey Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
Deep in the tunnels where the mighty spider lies
Bill and his elves-in-pants were taken by surprise
So Captain Marvel zapped in right between the eyes
All the children sing
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
The children asked him if to kill was not a sin
Not when he looked so fierce, his mother butted in
If looks could kill it would have been us instead of him
All the children sing
Hey, Burping Troll Bill
What did you kill
Burping Troll Bill?
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
Treebeard Sings
Words are flowing out of me like syrup on a winter day
They're groovin' slowly as they slip away across ol' Fangorn's lips
Words unhasty, thoughts so slow are drifting through my sleepy mind.
Making hobbits drift off to sleep.
hoom huru hooro om.
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world.
Images of huorn wood that dance before us with a million eyes,
They call us on and on across the dark Fangorn.
They meander like a restless wind without a shepherd ent,
They bumble blindly as they make their way across the dark Fangorn.
hoom huru hooro om.
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world.
Sounds of laughter entwife love are ringing through my memory,
Exciting and arrousing me.
Erotic fantasy of her limbs around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the dark Fangorn.
hoom huru hooro om.
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world,
Time is gonna change my world.
hoom huru hooro,
hoom huru hooro,
hoom huru hooro ...
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.4.
There is a guy in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And he's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
His father was a mighty King
down in Edoras
His mother was a shieldmaiden
who kicked his sorry ass
Now the only thing Théoden needs
is his riders and, of course,
And the only time he'll be satisfied
Is when he's on a horse
There is a man in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And he's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
Oh mother tell your children
not to do what I have done
Spend you lives in sin and misery
In the house of old Thengel's son
Well he's got one foot on the stirrup
the steady hand on the reign
And he's ridin' out from Edoras
To certain death and pain
Well there is a guy in Dunharrow
They call him Thengel's son
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.3.
Hey Mr. Theoden King
(to the tune of Bob Dylan's "Tamborine Man")
Chorus:
Hey! Mr. Théoden King, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is a place I'll go with you.
Hey! Mr. Théoden King, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though I know that evil empire has returned to the land,
Hope flees from our hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
Though weariness harasses me, I'm a hobbit at your feet,
You have your oath to meet
And the ancient empty town's too dead from weeping.
Chorus
Take me on a trip upon your fancy horse's hip,
My hobbit senses tripped, my hands too small to grip,
My nose too numb to drip, wait only for my bare heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to aid
On a Rohan parade, ride your dancing steed my way,
I promise to go upon it.
Chorus
Though nazgûl fly laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the moon,
I shall ride with anyone, I'm just singin' my own tune
And but for Dernhelm there are no riders facin'.
And if you think your riding without your next of kin
In your riders all in line, hiding a desp'rate maid of thine,
You shouldn't pay us any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that we're chasing.
Chorus
Then take me reappearin' through the smoky rings of doom,
By the guiding hands of Ghân, into the hidden gloom,
The haunted, frightened boom, out on Pelennor Field,
Right to the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by orc sea, circled by the evil glee,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
Chorus
From the Stupid Ring Parody VI.6.
Brilmacariel
Get on my finger, one more time
(From our *favorite* person (ick) Britney Spears! Written by Sauron himself to his precious ring, to the tune of "Baby, one more time")
Oh ringy, ringy
How was I supposed to know
He'd cut you off my finger
Oh ringy, ringy
I shouldn't have let you go
I'm not a good singer
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me Ringy
'Cause I need to know now
Oh, because
My listless eye, is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When I get you back I'll rule the world!
Give me a sign
Get on my finger, one more time
(Oh ringy, ringy)
(Oh ringy, ringy)
Oh ringy, ringy
The reason I'm cruel, is you
You've got my one eye blinded
Oh precious, precious
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To get you in my clutches!
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me ringy
'Cause I need to know now
Oh! Because
My listless eye is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When I get you back I'll rule the world
Give me a sign
Get on my finger, one more time
(oh ringy ringy)
(yeah)
(oh ringy, ringy)
(yeah, yeah)
Oh ringy ringy, how was I supposed to know
Oh ringy ringy, I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess, that my listlessness, is killing my eye
Don't you know? I still believe!
That you will be here, and I'll rule the world!
Get on my finger one more time
My listless eye, is killing me
(and I)
I must confess, I still believe
(still believe)
When you are here I can rule the world!
Give me a sign!!!
Get on my finger one more time!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Bunnie Bugs
An Entish Protest Song
There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's an orc with an axe over there
Telling me I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody watch the trees go down
There's battle lines being drawn
We are right, and Saruman is wrong
We trees are speaking our hearts
We'll march right down and storm Isengard
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Saruman's gates will hit the ground
What a field-day for the trees
We Ents will bring him to his knees
Singing songs and carrying signs
Say hoom hum hooray for our side
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
We're gonna bring that tower down
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.4.
Sam's Oliphaunt song
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
My nose is long and my colour's grey
I break down trees
I shake the ground
I like to flap my ears
I'm bigger than a building
But ain't been seen in years
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
I'm from the South where it's hot all day
I stump around
I skip and jump
In leotards and tights
I love to dance the ballet
And give everyone the frights
Oh, I'm an Oliphaunt and I'm okay
My mouth has horns that get in the way
When I plié
Or pirouette
A partner I would pierce
Alas I must dance solo
For partners have grown sceerce
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.3.
Celebsul
The Warg From the Burping Troll
"What's up with that wargy from the BT,
the one with the waggly tail.
What's up with that wargy, where did she go,
and why did she WOO WOO and wail.
Did she take a trip to California,
or race right up to Sauron's throne.
Whatever that uni-meat did to her,
we think she should quickly come home."
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
I love to go a-wandering
I love to go a-wandering
Under the Burping Troll
And as I go I love to sing
'Cos it echoes in this hole
Val-de-ri, Val-de-ra
Val-de-ra, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Val-de-re, Val-de-ra
'Cos it echoes in this hole
Oh, may I go a-wandering
Until I get quite lost
Or stray into Shannara
Or get dragged back by the Boss
Val-de-re, Val-de-ra
Val-de-ra, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Val-de-ri, Val-de-ra
Or get dragged back by the ...
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
Cutee Jo
To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"
You know Merry and Pippin and Fatty and Samwise
Bilbo and Rosie and the Gaffer with bad eyes
But do you recall
The most famous Hobbit of all?
BOOM BOOM BOOM
Frodo the Cursed Ringbearer
Had a very evil Ring
And if you ever saw it
I swear you'd try to steal the thing
All of the other Hobbits
Helped Frodo along the way
But as the Cursed Ringbearer
He knew he'd have to leave one day
Then one bright and sunny day
Boromir started to say,
"Frodo with your Ring so bright....GIMME or I'll rip you up with aaaall my miiiight..."
That's when Frodo departed
And with him went his friend Samwise
Frodo the cursed Ringbearer,
Yooou are gonna seeee tha EEEEEYYYYE!
Jo: (bowing) Thank you all so much!
Crowd: (dead silent)
*cricket noises*
Jo: Well, I NEVER! (storms off)
January 2003
Ekla Reuel
Ekla's Lament
Well, I met my poor husband on the Imladris board,
In my sexy leather Elf suit, I'd finally scored.
We dillied and dallied, hug, blush and kissed,
Now he's banished from posting, his charm shall be missed.
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
We fought vast enemies, mutant wombats and thugs,
But I couldn't escape from his mighty bear-hugs!
Upon the high tower, under the moon in eclipse,
Well it wasn't the first time we'd talked with our lips!
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
And now I'm a widow, with kids by the score,
I'll never find another so fascinated with gore.
I've traveled to where his spirit now resides,
And we're back in an arena, fighting foes on all sides!
And it's no, neigh, never.
No, neigh, never no more,
Shall I fall, swooning at Blackstone's.
No never, no more.
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
The House of the Burping Troll
There is a House in Middle Earth,
They call the Burping Troll!!
For its been the ruin of many a fat purse,
Taking table dancers off the dole!!
My Mother, was an Elf maid,
She sewed my cape of green,
My father was a half-bred Orc,
But Aragorn took him outta the scene!!!
Now the only things this Bar Wench needs
Is a tankard and some Bree.
And the only time I get a break,
Is around about quarter passed three!!!
So Mother, tell your Halflings,
Not to do the things I've done.
Don't spend your nights, in booze and revelry,
From this Troll, you cannot run!!!
Yes, there is a House in Middle Earth,
They call the Burping Troll!!
Cause Yggy's ruined, our customer's taste buds,
Making them eat, Ekla's homemade, Haggis roll!!!!!!!!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
The Ring's Song at the Ford
(to the tune of I will survive by Gloria Gaynor)
When first I was made, I was electrified.
Kept thinking I'm just a ring with naff writing on my side.
But then I spent so many nights planning to be strong
And I did wrong, bringing trouble all along!!!
And so I'm back, getting on your case,
I just walk round to see that one-eyed look without a face.
I should have tempted Aragorn,
And that old Gandalf too,
If I thought for just one second I'd be Gollum's precious!
Eeewww!!!
Go on now go, walk out the door,
Put me on and disappear, scare hobbits by the score!!
Aren't I the one who might make Galadriel go mad?
Do you think I'm worth it, surely there's fun here to be had?
No not I? I'm not alive? Oh as long as I'm with Frodo
I've not long to survive.
I've got evil to display, make that poor Boromir sway,
I won't survive? Hey, hey!!!
It took everything I had not to fall apart,
And now I'm off to Rivendell, as the Wraiths depart.
I've spent so many nights, in Bilbo's company,
Now I am saving all my tricks up to escape from Mount Doom free!!
Oh I want to go! You ride through the wood?
Just turn round and Barrow Downs to me look pretty good!
Aren't I the one with troubles of my own?
I can be accessorized, but you don't ever want to know!
No not I? I Wanna to stay alive! Oh as long as I'm with Frodo
I've not long to survive.
Mordor is on the cards and that sword won't always be shards!!
I think I'm done for!!! Hey, hey!!!!
From the Stupid Ring Parody I.12.
Eowyner
Elven Queen
(originally by Abba- now by Arwen Undomiel!)
Looking out for a man you know.
Where your dad's lived for centuries, where he wields the ring,
You've come to look for your king.
Aragorn-babe will be that guy
Night is young and the moon is high
.
With some nice Celtic music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a kiss,
And when it comes to this....
ch. She wants to be Elven Queen,
Old yet young, way past seventeen.
Elven Queen, fight for love
Coz your daddy's mean- oh yeah!
You can cry, you can grieve,
Still daddy says you must leave.
Ooh - see that film, watch that scene
Dig in the Elven Queen
He's a teaser, he turned you on,
Leaves you burning, says 'get thee gone!'
But you gave him your jewellery -
No one else will do
You would give up your life,
To be old Scruffy's wife!
January 2003
Everything I Do (I Do It For You)
(originally by Bryan Adams - now by ..... SAURON!!)
To Ring
Look into my Eye,
And you will see,
What you mean to me.
I've searched the Shire
I've searched it all.
But when I find you Ring
I'll search no more.
To The Nazgul
CHORUS
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for.
As long as I don't do the 'dying for'!
To Ring
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you!
To Frodo
Look into my Eye
And you will find
There's nowhere left to hide.
I'll take you as you are,
I'll take my Ring
No Hobbit-boy will become King!
CHORUS
To Ring
BRIDGE
There's no Ring, like my Ring
And no other, can do such things!
There's no way, unless you're there,
All the time - all the way!
(NAZGUL #9 plays soulful guitar solo. It's a long-forgotten fact but his musical ability was the only reason he was included in the Nine. It seems music really does soothe 'The Troubled Beast' (one of the Nazgul's nicknames for Sauron!).)
FINAL CHORUS
Oh you can't tell me it's not worth fighting for,
I can't help it there's nothing I want more!
Ooh I would fight for you,
I've lied for you,
Walk the wire for you,
Make others die for you!
You know it's true,
Everything I do, ooh, I do it for you.
January 2003
Drinking Song
(Originally by Tolkien/Fran Walsh - now by ME!)
Hey ho - to ol' Tolkien I go,
To heal my heart and drown my woe.
Rain may fall, and wind may blow,
But there still be - many chapters to go!
Sweet is the sound of the falling rain,
And the stream that falls from hill to plain.
Better than rain or streams or springs,
Is a reading from THE LORD OF THE RINGS!!
January 2003
Walking in Mordor
(originally "Walking in Memphis" by Marc Cohn, more recently by Cher and now by Frodo!)
Put on my tattered cloak and the Ring on its chain,
Stepped down to the land of the ashy pits,
Trying to ignore the pain.
Servant Sam here's handy - always helping me.
Boy, I've got a first-class best friend,
But I'm as blue as a Hobbit can be.
CHORUS
Cause I was walking in Mordor.
I was walking with my feet, so far from the Shire.
Yeah I was walking in Mordor.
Crawling through the stinking filthy mire.
Saw that stinker Gollum,
Tried to rob me in Emyn Muil.
We followed him up to the gates of Mordor,
But then we simply couldn't pass through.
Sneaked up through the back way,
Though we nearly fled in fright.
But only thanks to the Ring - doing its thing,
Did we get through alright.
CHORUS
BRIDGE
Only lembas for our 'table'.
For protection only Sting.
Dark Lord Sauron - be glad to see me,
If he can only get my Ring!
Better leave that Ring in Mount Doom!
Now I'm crawling up the mountain,
Though my will seems gone for good.
Samwise offers to help me,
And I ask him if he would.
Tried to melt the Ring down,
Yes I tried with all my might!
But right now I'd be The Lord of the Rings,
If it wasn't for Gollum's bite!
January 2003
Staying Alive
(originally by the Bee Gees - Now by Gandalf)
Well you can tell by the way I use my staff,
I'm a wizard babe, with loadsa class!
My hair is long and my beard too,
And I wear enormous size twelve shoes.
Well the Hobbits think I'm just a clown,
Who makes the fireworks for the town.
The Elves they call me Mithrandir,
But just what the Dwarves think isn't clear!
But it's alright, it's ok;
"G" will save you come what may!
But if you're bad, your hide I'll tan,
Especially if you're Saruman!
Whether you can lob it or whether you're a Hobbit,
You're staying alive, staying alive.
High-elf, dwarf or Ranger, I'll get you out of danger,
So you're staying alive, staying alive.
Ah ah ah ah Staying ALIIIIIIIVE (etc)
Well I know things aren't always so grand,
When you're leader of a nine-strong band.
And things can't get much gorier,
Than when they lead you into Moria!
It's NOT alright, it's NOT ok,
Thst nasty Balrog's in my way!
And if that thing should use it's whip,
Then poor old "G" will take a dip!
Whether made of fire, just like a funeral pyre,
I'm staying alive, staying alive.
Nothing you can do will bring victory for you,
I'm staying alive, staying alive.
ah ah ah ah staying ALIIIIIIIVE! (etc)
If you see me on the other side,
I'll be wearing white, just like a bride.
And I've got a horse, who's got real speed,
And is always there in times of need.
But it's alright, it's ok,
Nazguls look the other way!
Or I'll blast you with my blinding light,
And give you Screechers all a fright!
Whether you are evil, so secure that you are lethal,
I'll be staying alive, staying alive.
For me there is much more - I'm off to the Hither Shore
I'll be staying alive, staying alive
Ah Ah Ah Ah staying ALLIIIIIIIVE!!!
October 2002
Middle Earth Rhapsody
(Starring the Full Cast of LOTR)
(Formerly Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody)
Fans:
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught up in an epic, as escape from reality.
the book, take a good look and see.....
Frodo:
I'm just a Hobbit,
Is this my destiny?
Ring:
Because I'm easy come, but won't go.
Sauron, Frodo, Gollum, Bilbo:
It takes you high, takes you low
Anywhere the Ring goes,
Yes it really matters,
To me...
Frodo:
To me!
(Treebeard plays short piano 'hook')
Bilbo:
Gandalf-just found a Ring,
Was a creature called Gollum's,
Now he's lost it, he is glum.
Gandalf-I thought death had come
(Gaffer Gamgee joins on drums)
But wearing it just helped me get away!
Gandalf- ooh, ooh, oooh, oooooh!
Didn't mean to tell a lie.
But I will keep it safe until tomorrow,
And on, and on.
Though it doesn't really matter?!
(Tom Bombadil joins them, playing bass guitar)
Gandalf:
Too late! It's time has come!
Though I'm shivering with fear,
Give it up to Frodo dear.
Come on everybody-he's got to go.
Got to leave the Shire behind and face the truth!
Frodo-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooooh!
Boromir:
Anywhere the Ring goes.
Frodo:
I don't want to die.
Gandalf:
My boy, I wish It'd never been made at all!
(Eowyn plays a really excellent guitar solo!!)
<<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>>
Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam:
We see a great big hulking Ranger of a man,
Aragorn! Aragorn! He is also known as Strider!
Nazguls tall and lary-very very scary, EEEEE!
Legolas:
Galadriel!
Gimli:
Galadriel!
Legolas:
Galadriel!
Gimli:
Galadriel!
Legolas and Gimli:
Galadriel, Celeborn!
Lothlorie..en..en...en...en..en.!
Frodo:
I'm just a Hobbit, somebody help me!
Aragorn:
He's just a Hobbit,
Give him some elevensies!
Aragorn and Boromir:
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!
Frodo:
Gollum come, Gollum go,
Will you let me go?!
Gollum/Smeagol:
Hate Baggins-NO! We will not let him go!
Sam:
Let him go!
Gollum/Smeagol:
Hate Baggins- we will not let him go!
Sam:
Let him go!
Gollum/Smeagol:
Hate Baggins- we will not let him go!
Sam:
Let him go!
Gollum/Smeagol:
Will not let him go!
Sam:
Let him go!
Gollum:
Will not let you go!
SMEAGOL:
Never, never, never, never!
Sam:
Let him GOOOOOO!
Gollum/SMEAGOL:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
O Precious mia, Precious mia!
Frodo:
By 'Precious mia' let me go!
Cause Sauron's got, real bad torture set aside for me- for me-
For MEEEEE!!!
(Theoden and Eomer join in, guitars on overdrive!)
<<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>>
Sauron:
So you think you can hate me and spit in my Eye!
So you think you'll destroy It and leave me to die?
Oh Frodie! Can't do this to me Frodie!
You'll never sneak in and you'll never sneak right out of here!
(Denethor and Faramir help to finish off the rock section with even more screaming guitars, but Eowyn takes control with a stunning guitar solo!)
<<<>>><<<>>><<<>>><<<>>>
PEOPLE OF GONDOR and ROHAN:
Oooh yeah, oooh yeah, oooh yeah
(they liked the guitar solo!)
ELROND:
Everything has mattered,
ARWEN:
Any one can see.
Frodo:
But why has it all mattered?
Why has it all mattered-to me?
(Saruman mockingly provides final piano solo accompianied by Wormtongue on guitar)
All!!!:
Any way - the Ring 'goes'!
(SMASH!!! SFX of Sauron being destroyed as the Ring 'goes' - undone in the fires of Mount Doom!)
THE END
October 2002
Erin Rua
A Ranger of Ithilien
(apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)
DEBY:
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien,
I've got information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I know the kings of Gondor, and I quote the fights historical
From Gondolin to Pelennor, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters hypothetical,
I understand the rumor mill, sublime and quite hysterical,
About wizard-y doings I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
HOBBITS:
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
With many cheerful facts about the type of brandy Gandalf uses.
DEBY:
I'm very good at pouring ale and drinking it from either hand;
I know the names of every ale from here to south Ossiriand,
In short, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS:
In short, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
DEBY:
I know our mythic history, King Elendil's and Ondoher's;
I answer all the ladies that I want to see her under-hers,
I quote in fancy Elvish all the crimes of nasty Mor-a-goth,
And some say I'm pecu-li-ar and maybe even scandal-ous.
I can tell undoubted Aragorns from Denathors and Theodens,
I know the silly chorus from that Cow and Fiddle hobbit din!
Then I can screech a tune that scares the sheep and cows right o'er the hill,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
HOBBITS:
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal crazed Tom Bombadil.
DEBY:
Then I can write a bar tab up in pretty Dwarvish cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of ol' Isildur's last uniform:
And plus, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS:
And plus, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
DEBY:
In fact, when I know what is meant by "archers up" and "shoot again",
When I can tell at sight an Orcish longbow from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "move, you lazy rat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern archery,
When I know more of tactics than a maiden in a belf-ery --
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
HOBBITS:
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Ranger-lad has never sat a gee.
DEBY:
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, I've information on what pubs we can get silly in,
I am the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien.
HOBBITS and DEBY:
But still, he's information on what pubs we can get silly in,
He is the very model of a Ranger of Ithilien!
From The Burping Troll - August 2002
Fluffy Grey Kitty
Hey Warg!
(once was "Hey Jude")
Hey, Warg, they tho't you bad
You were a sad wolf who'd gotten better
But some, they let you into their hearts
Tho' your poems weren't any better.
Hey, Warg, don't be afraid
You have friends who really miss you
The minute they let you under their skin
It crossed their minds to hug and kiss you.
They gave you flesh of unicorn, hey, Warg, refrain
They did not know how it would affect you.
Well don't you know that you're a fool, it's the full moon.
You ate the innocent and it wrecked you.
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey, friends, don't let her down
If you miss her, then go and get her
Remember, you let her into your heart
Then you started to make her better.
So get her up and let her in, hey, friends, begin
She's waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, friend,
You'll do, the answer you need is in the haggis.
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey, Warg, don't you feel bad
Take your sad song and make it better
Remember they let you into their hearts
Then you can make your poems better,
better, better, better, better, better, oh.
nah, nah nah, nah nah nah, nah; nah nah nah, nah; hey Warg (repeat 16 times and fade out)
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Beatles' "Birthday" is now "Precious"
drums: bump-bump-bump-bump-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp-bmp ...
He came and stole precious
It's his precious too--yeah
Baggins stole your precious
You're gonna have a bad time
Hobbit's got your precious
It's so precious to you
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Yes, you lost your precious ringy ringy
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Lets you hi-hi-hi-hide--Precious
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Hide
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Lets you hi-hi-hi-hide--Precious
Precious eats you inside--Precious
Hide
He came and stole precious
It's his precious too--yeah
Baggins stole your precious
You're gonna have a bad time
Hobbit's got your precious
It's so precious to you
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Axman, Gimli's Song
(formerly, Beatles' Taxman)
Let me tell you, my name's Gimli,
Just one orc neck's nuthin' for me,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
Should five dead orcs appear too small,
I'm glad the elf din't shoot 'em all,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
If orcs run too fast, I ax their feet,
If they try to sit, I ax their seat,
If they try to fight, I ax their head,
If they cry, too bad, I'll ax 'em dead.
Axman!
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
You ask me what I kill 'em for,
Just wanna use my ax some more,
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
Now my advice, for orcs to die,
Axman!
It ain't enough to poke their eyes,
Axman!
'Cause I'm the axman, yeah, I'm the axman!
And their runnin' from no one but me.
Axman!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Bad Day, Sauron
(formerly 'Good Day Sunshine' apologies to Paul McCartney)
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
He had to cry, cuz when the sun came out
There was nothing he could laugh about
His plans were in a disarray
He's in fear cuz its a sunny day
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
He made it dark, to get the people down
Burned him up it got turned around
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Then he cried because his witchy king
got done in by girl and Halfling
He feels bad, his plans were looking fine
Now he's sad because there's eight not nine.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
Bad Day, Sauron.
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
(To the tune of 'Back in the USSR' -- Huge apologies to Paul McCartney)
Crawled in from the hunt with a sick, drunken elf,
Didn't get to bed last night.
On the way the booty bag was filled with ick,
Poor Cel' had a dreadful fight.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub,
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping Troll Pub.
Been away so long we hardly knew the place,
Gee it's good to be back home.
Leave it till tomorrow to clear Cel's disgrace,
Honey leave the elf alone.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping, back in the Burping,
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
Well the Uruk-hai orcs really knock me out,
They have the best behinds,
And Mordor orcs made Cel' sing and shout,
That party's always on our minds.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub,
You don't know how lucky you are bub,
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
Well the Uruk-hai orcs really knock me out,
They have the best behinds,
And Mordor orcs made Cel' sing and shout,
That party's always on our minds.
Hunting round the reeking mountains way down south.
Take us to ole Sauron's farm.
Let us hear your Warg and 'Dorf song ringing out,
Come and do the orcs some harm.
We're back in the Burping Troll Pub
You don't know how lucky you are bub.
Back in the Burping Troll Pub
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Strawberry Baths Forever
(Apologies to the Beatles)
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
Bathing is easy with eyes closed,
Strawberry scent in the water.
It's kinda hard to find sometimes
but it all worked out.
It's from Elrond and his daughter.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
No, it doesn't come from a tree.
I mean, Samwise looked high and low,
But he might have, you know, stole it,
but it's all right,
That is, I think it's not too bad.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever!
Always, no, sometimes, we must bathe,
But mostly Strawberry soap's a dream.
Sam thinks he knows he mean it's right
but it's all wrong,
But elves, I think, would disagree.
Sam is overjoyed,
'cos he found him some Strawberry Soap
Bathing is real,
and something to get sung about.
Strawberry baths forever,
Strawberry baths forever,
Strawberry baths forever!
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Idril
Aragorn's Song about Gondor
(to the Tune of New York New York)
Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it - Gondor! Gondor!
These dirty old boots, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it - Gondor! Gondor!
I want to wake up in that city, that doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap
These North Kingdom blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old Gondor
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you - Gondor! Gondor!
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.2.
The Wonderful Wizardly Schnozz
(Well you know the tune)
We're off to follow the Wizard,
And his wonderful wizardly schnozz!
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz,
I ever a Wiz there was!
If ever oh ever a Wiz there was,
Our Wizard is one because, because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because his hat is shaped like a vase!
We're off to follow the Wizard,
And his wonderful wizardly schnozz!
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.5.
Gandalf's Song about the Numenorian Kings
We three kings from Númenor fled
Our kin worshipped Melkor, now they're all dead
Punished for rancor
It sank like an anchor
Now Middle Earth's our home instead
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.11.
The Witch King's Horrible Battle Cry
(To the tune of "Backstreet's Back" by the Nazboys... err I mean the Backstreet Boys)
Everybody... yeah!
Rock your body... yeah
Everybody... yeah
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back, alright!
Hey, yeah
Gotta tell ya, we're back again
Orcs, wargs, trolls and men, everybody sing
Gonna bring on the war, gonna show you how
Gotta question for you better answer now, yeah
Am I original? Yeah!
Am I the only one? Yeah!
Am I sexual? Yeah!
Am I everything you need?
You better rock your body now
So everybody, everywhere
Better be afraid, better have some fear
I'm gonna tell the world, make you understand
As long as there is evil, we'll be comin' back again!
Backstreet's back, alright!
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.8.
Sam's Lament for Frodo
(to the tune of Alanis Morresette's "You Oughta Know")
I want you to know, I can't believe you're gone
I wish nothing but for it to be me instead
Did you forget about me
You were running so free
I should have known we didn't beat that web spinner.
Gollum lost our debate
But by then I was too late
I just bugged her in the middle of dinner
'Cause the love that I gave couldn't save
couldn't save you it wasn't enough to help in this Nameless Land, no
And every time I call your name
Do you know how I told you I'd follow
Until I died, 'til I died
But I'm still alive!
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess I'm in now you've gone away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you left for me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very still, asleep so peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
I wasn't given this task
How could they possibly ask
How can I leave you right here in the Shadow
Please just let me know how
How can I stay with you now
You know you've taken a road I can't follow
'Cause the love that I gave couldn't save
couldn't save you it wasn't enough to help in this Nameless Land, no
And every time I call your name
Do you know how I told you I'd follow
Until I died, 'til I died
But I'm still alive!
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess I'm in now you've gone away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you left for me
You, you, you oughta know!
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.10.
Pippin's Song at the Siege of Gondor
(To the Tune of "My Favorite Things" by Rogers and Hammerstein)
Laughing with Gandalf when he makes a bad pun
My cousin Merry when he rips a big one
Booing our Strider when he tries to sing
These are a few of my favourite things
Buffets with sausage and bacon and eggs
Fried alligator and smoked turkey legs
Cheese sticks and mushrooms and buffalo wings
These are a few of my favourite things
Peeking at elf maidens taking a shower
Twitting old Leggy and making him glower
Wand'ring the wildlands from fall into spring
These are a few of my favourite things
When the warg bites, when the orc growls
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad
Strawberry bubbles -- a tub wide and vast,
Mooning 'Ol Maggot, then running real fast
The wonderful feeling that naked time brings
These are a few of my favourite things
Smoking Old Toby till my lungs turn black
A nice pint of lager goes good with a snack
Gambling with Samwise and blowing smoke rings.
These are a few of my favourite things
Twitting old Gimli 'bout his elvish crush
Jokes that are dirty sure make Frodo blush
It's always fun wond'ring which way Leggy swings
These are a few of my favourite things
When the Nazgul... fly right over
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad
By Idril and Friends
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.1.
Legolas Sings about the Sea
(To the Tune of "Surfin' USA" by the beach Boys)
If everybody had an ocean
Across the Middle-Earth
Then everybody'd be surfin'
Like in Lebennin
You'd seem 'em wearing their baggies
Huarache sandals too
A bushy bushy blonde hairdo
Surfin' Lebennin
You'd catch 'em surfin' in Arnor
Eastfarthing County line
Riddermark and Mirkwood
And fair Ithilien
All over Lothlórien
And thru the Wilderlands
Everybody's gone surfin'
Surfin' Lebennin
We'll all be planning that route
We're gonna take real soon
We're waxing down our surfboards
We can't wait for June
We'll all be gone for the summer
We're on surfari my friend
Tell the teacher we're surfin'
Surfin' Lebennin
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.9.
An Eagle Soars over Minas Tirith, Singing Joyful Tidings
(To the Tune of some old song by the Eagles)
Well, I heard evil creatures talkin' just the other day
And they said Sauron was gonna put us on a shelf
But let me tell you I got some news for you
And he's already found out it's true
And now he'll have to eat his lunch all by himself
'Cause Sauron's already gone
And we're feelin' strong
We will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo, hoo, woo, hoo, hoo
Well I know it Sauron who held us down
Heaven knows it was hobbits who set us free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know who has the key
But Sauron's already gone
And we're feelin' strong
We will sing this vict'ry song
'Cause he's already gone
Yes, he's already gone
Already gone
From the Stupid Ring Parody VI.5.
Russ
A Funeral Song for Boromir
Aragorn:
Well you could tell by
the way he used to walk,
He was a manly man, didn't need a sock.
His horn was loud and made of wood,
He could blow it well like he knew he should.
And now that he's dead, but it's ok
we saved our own skins anyway
We can mourn and we can grieve,
But I think we had better leave.
Whether your you're a human, Elven or Dwarven we're stayin' alive,
stayin'
alive.
Boromir's a goner, if we stay here any longer we won't be stayin'
alive,
stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive.
Legolas:
Well now Boromir's gone, his spirit free,
But I have to say better him than me!
He was okay as humans go,
But Elves still kick ass,
don't you know!
Now the river's got him but it's okay.
'Cause we will live another day.
And the sooner that I end this song,
The sooner we can get ourselves gone!
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, we're, stayin' alive.
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.1.
Oh mine eyes have seen the bearded, hoary, walking, talking trees,
They are marching off to Orthanc to bring Saruman to his knees,
They're a Hoomin' and a Hummin' and a floating on the breeze,
His tree's go marching on!
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.9.
Sam's Song to Shelob
(To the Tune of "The Monkees")
Here I come, gonna whip your ass!
Get a load of the light from
The Lovely Lady's glass!
Hey-hey I'm the Sambone!
I like to laugh and sing and play!
But you tried to mangle my master
The time has come for you to pay!
Hey-hey I'm the. . .
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.10.
Denethor's Last Boogie
The Faggots:
Burn baby burn!
Burn that mama down
Burnin'!
Denethor (singing lead):
Satisfaction
(uhu hu hu)
came in the chain reaction
(burnin')
I couldn't get enough,
(till I had to self-destroy)
so I had to self destruct,
(uhu hu hu)
The heat was on
(burnin'),
rising to the top, huh!
Everybody's goin' strong
(uhu hu hu)
And that is when my spark got hot
Burn baby burn...
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.7
Nine Fingered Frodo and the Ring of Doom
Gonna tell you a story,
'Bout a Hobbit I know.
When it comes to valor,
Whoo! He steals the show!
He ain't exactly human,
He ain't exactly tall.
But when he left the Shire and he took the ring you could say he done
it
allllllllll!
He's a whole lotta Halfling,
A whole lot of Halfling,
He's Nine Fingered Frodo!
Nine fingered Frodo!
Nine fingered Frodo!
And the Ring of Doom. . .
From the Stupid Ring Parody VI.4.
Sevilodorf
That Wonderful Warg of Ours
(The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)
Celebsul is bouncing down the road singing...
"I'm off the find the Warg...
That Wonderful Warg of Ours.
We hear she is a warg of a warg,
If ever a warg there was.
If ever oh ever a warg there was
That Warg of Ours is one because
because, because, becaaause
Because of the wonderful songs she sings...
I'm off to find the Warg,
That Wonderful Warg of Ours!!"
Sounds fade as he moves down a yellow brick road.
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
A Hunting We Will Go
A hunting we will go,
A hunting we will go,
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
The orcs are mean and green
But we are lean and mean.
(very wishful thinking)
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
The arrows they will fly.
The orcs will start to die.
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
Gather up the heads.
Of all the orcen dead.
Heigh-ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
Then we'll make a stew.
A lovely, tasty stew.
Heigh -ho the Burping Troll
A hunting we will go.
We'll feed it to the kitty.
So she can sing so pretty.
Heigh-ho THEEEEE BUUUUURPING TROOOLLL.
A HUUUNNNTTTINNG WEEE WILLL
(song cuts off as Sevilodorf dives to the ground to avoid the "accidentally" launched arrows of her companions.
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Oscar Party
(apologies to Rick Nelson)
Went to an Oscar party,
To celebrate with many friends,
A chance to make some memories,
Talk the film again.
When I got to the Oscar party,
Was a list with my name,
Matched against my driver's license
I didn't look the same.
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
People came from miles around.
Everyone was there.
Richard brought his mother,
PJ combed his hair.
Over in the corner,
Sat Ian and his friend,
Many folks surrounded him,
But "You SHALL NOT win."
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
Watched the whole awards show.
Cheered loudly at the wins.
Vowed that we'd do better,
We'll be back again.
I said "Hello" to many folks.
They think a lot like me.
Then I saw it was 2 AM
It was time to leave.
But it's all right now,
I've learned my lesson well.
See you can't wear high heels,
When you've got to stand for hours.
I went back in the daylight.
The famous stars to see.
Walking in their footsteps,
Would be all right with me.
Now if you've got to see the Oscars,
I offer this advice.
Buy your tickets early,
And dress up really nice.
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
Where have you been, Celebsul?
Where have you been Celebsul, Celebsul?
Oh, where have you been, dancin' Celly?
I've been to kill some Orc,
Using just my knife and fork.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you do a triple flip, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you do a triple flip, dancin' Celly?
Yes, I did a triple flip
And a double daisy dip.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you dance the Telly Tubby, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you dance the Telly Tubby, dancin' Celly?
I danced the Telly Tubby,
When I heard of Ekla's hubby.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
Did you sing a pretty song, Celebsul, Celebsul?
Did you sing a pretty song, dancin' Celly?
Sevil sang the song,
But she got the words all wrong.
I'm a warrior unlike any other.
From The Burping Troll - April 2002
Silarien
Everybody Purps
(To the tune of "Everybody Hurts" by REM)
When the urge is strong
And it's night
Unless night is yours alone
When you're sure
You've got
Too much of the gas
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Unless there's no-one there
Then everybody purps
Sometimes
Sometimes the swelling is too strong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your belt
must be undone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've got
Too much to keep in
Well, don't hang on
'Cause everybody purps
Take a good sniff
At your friends
Everybody purps
Sometimes
From The Burping Troll - March 2002
SilliMarilli
Gollum's Crossroads Song
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
My soooooul to rent
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
My soooooul to rent
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
He beat me on the terms and points
(guitar: da daaaah)
But sucker only chaaarged me 5 percent
(guitar: diiii-da, da, da, da...)
Sauron worked his mojo
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
But then he lost his Ring
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
Now his Eye can't find it.
(guitar: ba-dah, di-da, da, da, da...)
And the bluuuuuuues he sings
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
With two hooobbits on my tail
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Going to the Crossroads
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
With two hooobbits on my tail
(guitar: bom, ba didaaah, didah, bom ba didaah)
Gonna meet my Shelob mama
(guitar: da daaaah)
You know she gonna rock and wail!
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.7.
Thranduilion
Give Trees a Chance
Ev'rybody's talking about
Wizardism, Orcism, Powerism, Ring-ism, Mordorism, Sarumism,
This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m.
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
C'mon
Ev'rybody's talking about Orthanc,
Rohanc, Men-Dwarf-Elf-hanc,
Uruks and Southern Orcs and Bad Wargs and Pink Eyes,
And bye bye, bye byes.
All we are saying is give trees a chance!
From the Stupid Ring Parody III.9.
Sam's Song to his Rope
What will it take 'till you believe in me
The way that I believe in yooooou?
Sweet like lembas to my soul,
Sweet you knot and sweet you pull,
Lost for you I'm so loooossst for yooou,
You come CRASH into me . . .
From the Stupid Ring Parody IV.1.
Imrahil
Hey, through the wind in the old Bazaar;
Hey you! Let us through, it's a bright new star,
Oh come, be the first on your block to meet his eye!
Make way, here he comes, ring bells, bang the drums -
Are you gonna love this guy!
Imrahil, wonderful he, Prince of Dol Amroth:
Strong as ten Gondorian men - boy, can he kill!
He faced the trampling hordes!
A hundred Uruks with swords!
Who sent those goons to their lords?
Why, Imrahil!
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.1.
A Scrap of a Song by Legolas
We're off to find the hobbits,
The insatiable hobbits we love.
We hear they've done incredible deeds,
Of daring and bravery and-
From the Stupid Ring Parody V.9.
Legolas's Lament for his AK-47
(to the tune of "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel)
She could kill with a blast
She could wound with her ammo
She could ruin your face with a casual whammo
And she never did lose her tenacious loyalty
She fought like an Elf
But she was AK-47 to me
She could lead you to orcs
She could slaughter them in the park
She could track down a deep black
Scary shadowy thing in the dark
Some screenwriters question the gender I'm giving her
But think what you like
She was AK-47 to me
AK... you took care of yourself
And you took care of me
And you would for all time
AK... then you killed lots of orcs
On the field where you died
And I am left behind
She would promise more power
Than the great Ring of Mordor
But she never would sing, chatter, sink you to boredom
She would bring out the best
And the worst I could be
I blame her end on myself
Cause she was AK-47 to me
AK... you took care of yourself
And you took care of me
And you would for all time
AK... then you killed lots of orcs
On the field where you died
And I am left behind
She was frequently kind
And she'd suddenly blush
She could do as she pleased
She was nobody's lush
But she couldn't be beaten
She died like a hero
Throwing shrapnel at orcs
She will always be mine:
She's still AK-47 to me
From the Stupid Ring Parody VI.4.
