Welcome to the Poetry Archives.
Most of our poems come from three sources, the "Dumb Poetry" and "Burping Troll" threads from the Lord of the Rings Netscape boards
and the Stupid Ring Parody.
However we'd love to add more! If you have a bit of Warggerel*, a limerick or a song parody that you think is
silly enough for our archives, please send it to
idrilcelebrindal.
Meanwhile, enjoy!
*Warggerel: A type of verse developed in the early 21st Century by BadWargMama.
It is characterized by its loose style, irregular measures and exceedingly silly subject matter. Normally written by rabid Tolkien Fans.
From our Newest Song Parodist, Eowyner
"Staying Alive" - originally by the Bee Gees - Now by Gandalf
Well you can tell by the way I use my staff,
I'm a wizard babe, with loadsa class!
My hair is long and my beard too,
And I wear enormous size twelve shoes.
Well the Hobbits think I'm just a clown,
Who makes the fireworks for the town.
The Elves they call me Mithrandir,
But just what the Dwarves think isn't clear!
But it's alright, it's ok;
"G" will save you come what may!
But if you're bad, your hide I'll tan,
Especially if you're Saruman!
Whether you can lob it or whether you're a Hobbit,
You're staying alive, staying alive.
High-elf, dwarf or Ranger, I'll get you out of danger,
So you're staying alive, staying alive.
Ah ah ah ah Staying ALIIIIIIIVE (etc)
Well I know things aren't always so grand,
When you're leader of a nine-strong band.
And things can't get much gorier,
Than when they lead you into Moria!
It's NOT alright, it's NOT ok,
Thst nasty Balrog's in my way!
And if that thing should use it's whip,
Then poor old "G" will take a dip!
Whether made of fire, just like a funeral pyre,
I'm staying alive, staying alive.
Nothing you can do will bring victory for you,
I'm staying alive, staying alive.
ah ah ah ah staying ALIIIIIIIVE! (etc)
If you see me on the other side,
I'll be wearing white, just like a bride.
And I've got a horse, who's got real speed,
And is always there in times of need.
But it's alright, it's ok,
Nazguls look the other way!
Or I'll blast you with my blinding light,
And give you Screechers all a fright!
Whether you are evil, so secure that you are lethal,
I'll be staying alive, staying alive.
For me there is much more - I'm off to the Hither Shore
I'll be staying alive, staying alive
Ah Ah Ah Ah staying ALLIIIIIIIVE!!!
Eowyner, October 2002
Our Newest Poem from Maui!
Frodo is now a super hero, but a bad boy gone good.
He used to ransack villages and burn neighborhoods.
Oh yes, he was a truly evil hobbit, he was one bad seed.
He was part of a gang that liked to steal (and smoke) good weed.
They corrupted the little children and giving the rowdy ones a kick,
Sending them out to play in the street with pointed sticks.
So then his mum and his daddy sent him to live with Bilbo,
Hoping he would change his ways or it was to Hell he'd go!
And luckily he did, and became a good boy,
Along with him was Merry, Pippin, and a nobody named Roy.
And I guess people thought he really did change for the better,
When he started sporting a nancy-boy plaid sweater.
Gandalf gave him guidance, but he could only do so much,
For Frodo still had his Hell's Hobbits jacket and he still liked to cuss.
And he got his peer mediator, Sam, into the smoking scene,
And he said it was the 'ring' that was making him so mean.
"Bad Boys never change" was what the hobbits said,
"Let's go get the punk and stone him till he's dead!"
But then the Nazguls moved into town and Frodo didn't seem so bad,
So they let him go get rid of the Ring, for it was making them all sad.
The Nazguls were evil brutes, no one's buddy indeed,
They said naughty words and started great stampedes.
They were horrable druggies, always getting so high,
with needles and bongs and sticks made of tie.
It was a horrid state, worst then the ruffians!
So it seemed it was all up to Frodo and the gang, then,
To set right was Sauron had done,
To think, and to him, it was all great fun!
So they took the ring and chucked it into Mt. Doom,
And they made happyful the land of a lotta gloom.
And they watched Arwen and Aragorn get married and sh!t,
Thinking all the while, What screwed up kids they'll get!
And all was yea-ful on the most part of Middle Earth,
And it seemed like an age of glorious new birth!
Everyone was happy and liked to frolick down the street,
And though Frodo tried, he kept tripping over his feet!
And to conclude what happened, it should be known
That Frodo left Middle Earth as Aragorn took the throne.
Sam was an excellent mayor, and adopted ten cats,
Merry was arrested for a D.U.I., imagine that....
Pipin was voted to become some sort of official, and it seemed hardly effected,
But it was found he was a gambler on the Middle Black Market, so he was.... uh.... unelected.
And other stuff happened, but it was all in good fun,
so that's it, i'm done, God bless you, every one!
AlohaSurfinSista, September 2002
