(merithehobbit)
Odd Narrator: Oh.. thank goodness.
Pompus Narrator: What?
Odd Narrator: I thought I was going to have to get time and a half! Get over here.. <points at script> we are at the beginning of Chapter 8.
Pompus Narrator: Chapter 8.. already?
Odd Narrator: Yea.. PJ hasn't stopped for a second.. just barely to pee... and even...
PJ: SO PN.. you're here at last let's go!
Pompus Narrator: PN.. well I never!
PJ: Yeah.. whatever.. you're paid to narrate.. so NARRATE!
Pompus Narrator: Ahem...After Frodo and Sam's encounter with Galadriel the entire Fellowship was summoned to the Chamber of Celeborn.
Haldir: [with official sounding background music] You the Fellowship are hereby summoned to the Chamber of Celeborn.
Boromir: Well, that sounds rather important.
Aragorn: It is the place we greeted Galadriel and Celeborn when we first got here.
Boromir: Oh...yeah...when she was..reading my mind?...ahem.
Merry: Frodo. What did you and Sam do? I know you were just with her! Are we in trouble? Pip.. what'd you do?
Pippin: I swear... I only ate some leftovers at the buffet.. [burrrrp].. oh.. excuse me.
Merry: Without me?
Frodo: I am sure they are just going to get us ready to go on our quest some more.
Sam: We need supplies and things, and they want to bid us farewell I am sure.
Gimli: I would guess that from the script chapter heading...sigh.
[All the fellowship go up to the Chamber of Celeborn]
Celeborn: So.. did you guys all decide to keep going on this hopeless quest across deadly country and facing scary foes.. or do something else?
Pompus Narrator: There was a long silence.
Galdriel: They are all resolved to go.. and *hummpsh snicker* well nothing...(to herself: I love mind reading.. so informative...and funny)
Pippin: Hey.. was she reading our minds again.. I wasn't paying attention.
Merry: Pip.. yeah. Couldn't you tell?
Frodo: *whimper*
Sam: You OK? Frodo?
Frodo: Uh.. yeah. I'm OK.. just a little pre-occupied with the whole burden of the entire world on my shoulders and all.
Ring: Heh, heh, heh! No Pressure or anything!
Frodo: Shh.
Pompus Narrator: And Celeborn told them of the preparations the Elves had made on their behalf. They had boats and food and things all ready to go.
Aragorn: We get boats? COOL!
Celeborn: Well, I knew you were just so indecisive that I figured boats would make that decision done for ya.
Aragorn: Thanks.. you are the greatest.. I just Thank You... well if you weren't just so organized.. this makes things..
Celeborn: Oh.. please.. you're rambling now.. very un-kingly..
Aragorn: Oh..sorry... Well Thanks Celeborn.. I hope we're related someday.
Celeborn: Shh.. not around the lady.. she is so sensitive about that. Don't go and screw up now..
Aragorn: Thanks about the boats then..
Celeborn: So all of you rest tonight for tomorrow you are getting the hel... I mean .. tomorrow you are departing. And will be missed.
[Fellowship heads back down to rest one more night in Lorien. However Legolas and Gimli aren't about to let their last night in civilization go to waste.]
(FrodoPippinSam)
Legolas: Ready to go Gimli?
Gimli: All set!
(They walk off)
Scene: The club we found Legolas at earlier.
Gimli: So, should I start into this head strong, or go get a bottle of beer first?
Legolas: It all depends on what you want. If you want a pretty elf babe tonight, better go and hook one now, if you don't feel like doing anything but drinking (gives a disgusted look at the thought) then go right ahead and get a beer.
Gimli: Why can't I get a girl later?
Legolas: They will all be all over me!
Gimli: Hey!
Legolas: It's not my fault I'm pretty!
Gimli: WOW!
Legolas: What?
Gimli: I never noticed how pretty you were Legolas.
Legolas: really?
Gimli: Nope.
Legolas: wow.
Gimli: We didn't have to come here for girls. *blushes* we could have just gone off and had some quiet time to ourselves. (kicks at the floor with his foot)
Legolas: Gimli! You had just the idea I did!
Gimli: Really?
Legolas: yeah! come on, lets ditch this joint and go somewhere where we can be alone. Some people just don't understand.
(off at a place all alone)
Gimli: Do you believe every one has a soul mate?
Legolas: Yes I do, do you?
Gimli: yeah.
Legolas: Why do you ask?
Gimli: I think I've found mine. (looks fondly at Legolas)
Scene: With the rest of the company.
Frodo: Merry, I know what you're doing.
Merry: No you don't.
Frodo: Yes I do.
Merry: No, Frodo dear, you don't.
Frodo: You're planning on how to turn this place into an amusement park.
Merry: Not exactly.
Frodo: Then what are you doing?
Pippin: You'll never know, and quite frankly, I don't think you want to know.
Frodo: He's not--
Pippin: Yep.
Frodo: You mean he's--
Pippin: That's what I said.
Sam: I didn't know you had that side to you Merry.
Merry: There is more to me than meets the eye.
Frodo: hey! That's my description! Gandalf gave it to ME!
Pippin: Lay off Frodo.
Frodo: But!
Merry: Good Night. Pleasant dreams.
Sam: <gulp>
(Idril and merithehobbit)
Sam: Did Celeborn say something about boats? I hate boats. I get seasick.
(merithehobbit)
Pippin: Man, then I am not going to be in your boat.
Merry: Sam.. you wimp.. boats are the coolest. We went on boats all the time on the Brandywine!
Sam: I can't help it.. I just get sick from the motion.
Frodo: Great.. Uh. Aragorn, what are the chances of me being in a boat without Sam here?
Aragorn: About as likely as you without a shadow, or Black Riders without noses, or Elves without shampoo, or me without a sword, or Pippin without food, or Gimli without Legolas, Merry without Pippin, or...
Frodo: OK! OK! Sam, you have to sit in front then.
Merry: I bet if you ask they'll have barf bags.
Sam: Maybe.. they do have quite a few nice things here.
Merry: So Aragorn, then who do Pip and I get to go with?
Aragorn: [stops and looks back at Legolas and Gimli] I think you'll be with Boromir. Legolas and Gimli need some time to talk.
Boromir: What? I get stuck with the dynamic duo? <grumble, grumble> You guys are always dumping on me... if only I had the ring of power.. I'd only use it to save the day of course.. but I would show you all what kind of respect a man of Gondor should have.. and [looks up] Uh.. did I just say that out loud?
All: YES!
Boromir: Just kidding... I love the Mer-Mer, and the Pipster.. We're going to have a grand time together on our little canoe....singing songs, and telling jokes...
Aragorn: Well good.. let's get some rest.
Pompus Narrator: The Fellowship rests... waking to yet another glorious morning in Lorien. Although it was their last.
(Idril)
Pompous Narrator: In the bright morning Haldir lead the Fellowship down to the banks of the Silverlode, where three small grey boats awaited them.
Boromir: Excuse me. But weren't we supposed to get nice boats? These look like they need a paintjob.
Pippin: Yeah, I want a green one.
Haldir: <rolls eyes> You can have these, or inner tubes... your choice.
Merry: Inner tubes! Cool! Can we have a beer cooler to float behind 'em?
Aragorn: We'll take these, thanks.
Pompous Narrator: As the elves began loading their supplies into the boats, Sam notices something that pleased him greatly...
Sam: Rope! Woo hoo... gonna have some fun now! Who wants to be tied up first?
All: Not me!
Sam: Rosie lass taught me some nice Japanese techniques... are you sure?
All: Yes, we're sure!
Sam: Hmmpph... vanilla!
(BunnieBugs and Idril)
Pompous Narrator: The elves of Lorien had provided them with much in the way of supplies. They took stock of them as they as they paddled their way down the Silverlode toward the Swan boat of the Lord and Lady which awaited them downstream.
(BunnieBugs)
Merry: Hey, these new cloaks are cool! I heard they're great camouflage, Pip. Pip? [Looks around wildly] Pippin???
Pippin: I'm right here, ya dork!
Merry: Whoa! Camouflage is right! More like invisible...
Sam: The leaf shaped clasp is lovely, too.
Gimli: Arrgh! Mine keeps getting tangled in my beard!
Legolas: Ah, my friend, I believe I can help you with that. [Does a quick re-braiding of Gimli's beard] How's that?
Gimli: Hey, not bad! But, I know we're friends and all, now, but next time, ASK before you touch the beard! 'Kay?
Legolas: (sheepishly) 'Kay.
Frodo: What's this stuff wrapped in mallorn leaves? Looks like twinkies...
Aragorn: Nay, that is the elves' waybread. It helps to sustain body and soul on long journeys.
Boromir: Ugh! Power Bars!
Legolas: *chuckles indulgently* Just try it.
Boromir: I'M not gonna try it. [to Sam] YOU try it.
Sam: I'M not gonna try it. Hey! Let's get Gimli! He hates everything!
[Gimli takes a bite and chews thoughtfully. Then he enthusiastically eats the whole cake.]
Sam: He likes it! Hey, Gimli!
(Silarien)
GreenLeafBrooch1: Who u get, 2?
GLB2: Hobbit!
GLB1: Me too
GLB2: No, Me 2
GLB3: Me got Hobbit too
GLB1: No, mine's two
GLB4: Me also got hobbit
GLB5: What u arguing for?
GLB4: Me not arguing, it's 1, 2 and 3
GLB5: Me got dwarf, higher up than u four
GLB4: Ah, but B greater strain on u 5
GLB6: Me got elf
GLB5: Dat sure summat money can't buy, 6
GLB7: Me got man A, stinks! Me feel sicks
GLB6: Get ur hands off, 7
GLB7: Who touched me?
GLB8: Me got man B, 7
GLB2: B7? u got bomber?
GLB8: Man B, MAN B!
GLB3: Who hell Mandy?
GLB1: Whatsitmatter? All peeps look friggin' same to me.
(Russ)
<scene: At the Swan Boat>
Celeborn: Okay so, You guys know where you're going?
Aragorn: Yep.
Celeborn: And you know how to get there?
Aragorn: Yep.
Celebprn: So I don't have to go into the whole flowery bit about Tol Brandir, Rauros, Wetwang, etc?
Merry: [snicker-snicker], wetwang, that's a funny word.
Aragron: [snicker-snicker], Merreeeey! I mean, No sir.
Celeborn: Very well then. Boromir?
Boromir: Yes your Elfness.
Celeborn: You still going to Gondor?
Boromir: Nothing short of being pierced by many arrows could stop me!
Celeborn: I wouldn't worry, there's never any orcs where you're going this time of year. You do know about Fangorn though right?
Pippin: What's a fangorn?
Legolas: It is a great wood full of strange things; things old and diverse!
Merry: [snicker-snicker] He said wood, [snicker-snicker]
Boromir: What about it? All I've heard about Fangorn is a lot of old wives tales.
Celeborn: Well if you go that way, Be careful, for oft may it be that once it were so, now it no longer might , for the lore of the wives is in the wisdom of their keepings and in the memories of the words of which now much is lost that was once needful and of import for the wise to know but, now that they know it not, it has. . .
Merry: What the hell. . .?
Galadriel: [stands and shoves a goblet of wine into Celeborns mouth]
Celeborn: . . .for as it was written of old, th. . . glurrble, spit, choke cough-cough!
Galadriel: Well, thank you for those sage words dear. But now we must drink the cup of parting. [takes a sip} Pass it around everyone!
Aragorn: Over the lips and. . .
Legolas: Down the hatch!
Boromir: Here's to swimmin' wi' bow-legged women!
Hobbits: CHEERS!
Gimli: Le'chei-im!
Galadriel: And now, before you go, I have for each of you a gift. I give them to you as a remembrance of Lothlorien. For Aragorn, I give you this sheath so that you will not accidentally stab yourself with your own sword. . .again. And now, Aragorn, any final requests?
Aragorn: Well yes actually, you see there is your. .
Galadriel: Why yes, I will give you another silver brooch with a green gem!
Aragorn: But that's not what. . .
Galadriel: See how lovely they appear together!
Aragorn: Aha! Lovely together! That's what I was about. . .
Galadriel: Oh I am SO glad that you like them! Next I have. . .
Aragorn: But. . .
Celeborn: [whispers to Aragorn] ixnay on the andhay in arrigemay.
Aragorn: okayway. *sigh*
Galadriel: For Legolas, I have brought you this: [a long wooden box with the elf-rune: KALSHNIKOV embossed on the front], and I give you these as well! [several smaller boxes with the elf-runes: 7.62 MM]
Legolas: [wild look in his eyes] Thank you lady, long shall I remember this day!
Galadriel: And for these two valorous and noble Halflings I give to you belts of silver, hand crafted by the finest elven smiths, with clasps of golden Mallorn leaves.
Pippin and Merry: SCORE! [high five each other]
Merry: Hey Pip, what's an Oneida?
Pippin: I dunno, Elven smith I reckon.
Galadriel: And for Boromir, I have this.
Boromir: A book?
Galadriel: Look upon it, is it not fair?
Boromir: "How to win friends and influence people." Um, thanks, I'm not much of a reader after the sports page and the comics, but I'll give it the once over. I was really hoping for a golden belt though. *sigh*
Galadriel: And what might I have for this loyal follower of the ringbearer? To Sam I give this: [hands Sam a small wooden box with "G" embossed upon it.]
Sam: [taking gift and opening it] Why thank you Lady for this gi. . .Um. Is this right?
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam. I knew you would love it, for I am Galadriel and I know all and see all!
Sam: It's dirt.
Merry and Pippin: snicker-snicker!
Galadriel: Yes my dear sweet, munchable. . .
Frodo: Hey, you're getting a little familiar here aren't you?
Galadriel: . . . bigfooted, wood packing Sam. And not any dirt, but the finest of earth from the heart of my orchard.
Sam: yipee. I get a box of dirt from an orchard. ARAGORN gets a fancy sheath and jewelry, LEGOLAS gets a modern assault rifle that is entirely inappropriate to the setting, but offers many fun possibilities for the script and I get dirt.
Galadriel: Yes
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: From an orchard.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: I don't freakin' believe. . .
Galadriel: I know Sam, it IS hard to believe! But it's true!
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam, after all, I'm omnipotent!
Sam: Well, you're somethin' that's for sure!
Galadriel: And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the elves?
Sam: Dirt.
Gimli: Nothing Lady.
Sam: She gave me a box of dirt. *sigh*
Galadriel: Nothing? Surely the heart of a Dwarf craves more than just a glimpse of the admittedly wondrous beauty and fair, musical words of the lady of the Golden Wood.
Merry: snicker-snicker
Pippin: What?
Merry: Golden wood?
Pippin: titter
Gimli: Well there is one thing, um, [stands upon his tippy-toes and whispers into Galadriels ear]
Galadriel: AH! WHY YOU! [SMACKS Gimli upside the head]
Gimli: So then I guess the other thing is out of the question?
Galadriel: Well I never!
Gimli: Not even once? I find that hard to bel. . .OW. Stop hitting me!
Celeborn: Alright you. . .
Galadriel: Hush up, I can handle myself! And you master Dwarf, you just better mind your. . .mmmmphlll. . . . .MMMMmmmm!
[Gimli grabs Galadriel by the hair and gives her a big wet smooch]
Galadriel: [Slaps Gimli]
Gimli: [Slaps her back]
Galadriel and Gimli: [sudden passionate embrace]
Celeborn: Galadriel! What are you doing?
Galadriel: What does it look like? I'm being kissed by a MAN! Why don't you go home and bake some cookies or something! It's the only thing you've ever been good at anyway! Now where were we?
Celeborn: *sob*
Aragorn: Dude, show some spine! Geeze!
Celeborn: But she's so mean! she always goes and. . .
Aragorn: Whatever. Sorry to interrupt you two but we have this little errand to run and if you don't mind. . .
Galadriel: Here's my number, call me if you get to Valinor!
Gimli: Oh yeah!
Frodo: Ahem!
Galadriel: Hmm? Oh, here catch. Use it in dark places, yadda, yadda. . .
Gimli: So whaddya say babe, we got a few minutes before we blow this place, you wanna. . .you know?
Frodo: Thank you lady, I shall treasure it always!
Galadriel: Ah huh. [giggles] OH GIMLI!
Boromir: That's it, I'm outta here! You guys can stay or come with, but I have had it!
Aragorn: I'm with ya,
Hobbits: Us too.
Galadriel: Here my mighty Dwarf warrior take three strands of my hair and keep them ever by your heart. Until we meet again!
Gimli: Well, I'll keep two by my heart, but I'm putting one of 'em somewhere else!
Galadriel: OH! [giggles] You're so baaaaad! Good-bye!
Gimli: Toodles!
Celeborn: Boo-hoo-hoo! Oh the pain, the pain!
Boromir: Come on man! Grow a pair!
Sam: Dirt. She gave me dirt!
Odd Narrator: And so the Fellowship set out once again. They do that a lot don't they. As soon as all was loaded aboard their elven boats and the fellowship embarked, the Elves of Lothlorien thrust them out into the current of the river with their long poles. Soon the. . .
Merry: titter!
Pippin: giggle!
Odd narrator: What?
Merry: You said thrust! [tee-hee]
Pippin: With their long poles! [n'yuk,n'yuk]
Odd Narrator: Even as the odd narrator rolled his eyes at the childish antics of two naughty little hobbits, Galadriel and a weeping Celeborn were vanishing into the mists. Smaller and smaller they became until they looked like teeny tiny little ants.
Frodo: Hey, I think she's raising her arms.
Legolas: [suddenly alarmed] Who?
Frodo: Galadriel, I think she's going to. . .
Legolas: SING!?
Frodo: Yeah.
Legolas: GREAT GALLOPIN' GONDOLIN! QUICK COVER YOUR EARS!
Aragorn: HURRY! DO AS HE SAYS! AH, THIS IS AN ILL FORTUNE!
[everyone covers their ears]
Galadriel: SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
Ifway ouyay eesay away adedfay ignsay ybay ethay idesay ofway
ethay oadray
Atthay ayssay ifteenfay ilesmay otay ethay ovelay ackshay! Ovelay ackshay eahyay!
I'mway eadinghay ownday ethay Lothlorien ighwayhay
Ookinglay orfay away ovelay etawaygay, ovelay etawaygay...
Legolas: It's that first note, it's a killer!
Aragorn: Tell me about it! She used to sing me lullabies!
Legolas: [shiver]
Gimli: Well, I didn't think it was that bad. Boy I'll tell you what, that Galadriel is one fine piece of work! You know Frodo, you really should listen more to your uncle Bilbo!
Frodo: Shut up and row.
(Bridget Chubb)
<Scene: the Fellowship paddles away from Lorien in their brand new shiny Elven-boats.>
Legolas (to Gimli): What's your problem?
Gimli: What's that supposed to mean?
Legolas: Well, considering that you've ripped out a good third of your beard, reduced your new cloak to shreds, and eaten half the lembas already, I think I have reason to ask!
Gimli: I hate this stupid quest! Dammit, why couldn't we just stay in Lorien forever?
Legolas: Oh, I don't know...maybe because we all swore to protect the Ringbearer so that Middle Earth might have half a chance of being saved?
Aragorn: (in the next boat) Maybe because the time of the Elves is over, and Lorien will soon be deserted anyway?
Merry: Really!
Aragorn: Don't even think about it.
Legolas: Maybe because there's no way in hell those Elves would even *think* about letting you stay there any longer?
Gimli: Hmph! But still...did you see that Elven-lady? Man oh man! Somehow, the fate of Middle-Earth doesn't seem like such a big deal compared to *that* Elven boo-tay...
Boromir: (from the next boat over, to Merry) See...she's stolen his soul...now he wants to give up the quest!
Aragorn: Remember that's my future grandmother-in-law you're talking about...
Legolas: Not if she has anything to say about it, if I understand correctly!
Aragorn: Oh shut up! (sulks)
Gimli: (also sulks) I hate this quest!
Boromir: Should've listened to me...too bad no one ever does...(everyone ignores him) Hmph! (sulks)
Sam: Oooh...I think I'm going to be sick...
Frodo: Remind me again how I got stuck with the seasick hobbit?...SAM! NO, NO! Over the side...not on my cloak! Over the side...Oh great...(sulks)
(long, dismal silence)
Pippin: (cheerfully) Hey, who wants to play "I Spy"?
(everyone gives him a nasty look)
Pippin: What?
Pompous Narrator: And so the Fellowship continued on their quest yet again. And as the light of the Golden Wood passed into shadow, and the sun passed behind the great mountains to the West, the company was wrapped in a warm, sensuous darkness that pressed in upon them and removed from them all their cares, enveloping the company in a cocoon of euphoria. The tiny hobbits stared up in awe as they passed the great woods on either side of the river. As the wind caressed their cheeks and whispered into their ears, the Fellowship could feel their spirits rising to a great, fervent climax, which threatened to overtake all other emotion.
(Merry and Pippin are in hysterics.)
Pompous Narrator: What now? Oh geez...
(BunnieBugs and Idril)
Newbie Narrator: *whispering* Where? Here? Oh, okay. *clears throat* Uh, so the Fellowship rowed toward the mighty Andi... uh... ndouille... Oh, sorry... Anduin River. *whispering* Now what? That's the end of the chapter? Well that bites!