(Thranduilion)
Odd Narrator: Dusk deepened dramatically into dreadful darkness as the three hunters -
Legolas: HOLD IT, hold it. I though I killed your ass last chapter!
Odd Narrator: Watch your language, silvereyes. That wasn't me. I am a STAR. That was an Unfamiliar Narrator in a Red Star Trek Shirt. As I was SAYING, the night wore on and the stars came out and the three hunters scrambled on through the night. In the hour before dawn, they stopped to ponder their course, for the orc-trail descended into the valley and vanished.
Aragorn: [muttering to himself] eeny meeny miny mo, catch a warg by the toe, if he-
Legolas and Gimli: [ponderponder]
Aragorn: North! I have deduced it using my clever Ranger skills. They are headed north.
Legolas [ahead of the others]: Hey, look, slaughtered orcs!
Aragorn and Gimli: Eeeewww!
Legolas: Friends of ours? You know, anyone who kills orcs is okay in my book.
Aragorn: You're wrong.
Gimli: What he- huh?
Aragorn: Look at the signs. These are obviously Uptown orcs with their Gucci bags and Armani overarmour. Among the slain are none of the chain-wearing knife-fighting orcs of the Lower East Side. That company must have prevailed in the argument over the prisoners, and all will now be heading for the Isenbowery.
Legolas: [whispering to Gimli] And you think I'M nuts?
Odd Narrator: The bemused two followed their bizarre leader as the sun's first light crept over the top of the trees and poof!
Gimli: What was the poof?!
Legolas: Who are you calling a poof?!
Odd Narrator: Oh sorry, wrong chapter. At last Aragorn found the trail again.
Aragorn: At last I have found the trail again!
Odd Narrator: Is there an echo in here? Anyway, Aragorn decided he had to stand on a hill looking southwards and sing about Gondor, or some such nonsense.
Aragorn: Hey!
(Idril)
Odd Narrator: Well hurry up, we don't have all day.
Aragorn sings:
Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it - Gondor Gondor!
These dirty old boots, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it - Gondor! Gondor!
I want to wake up in that city, that doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap
These North Kingdom blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old Gondor
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you - Gondor! Gondor!
Legolas, Gimli and Odd Narrator: [silent stare]
Aragorn: Oh all right, how about this?
(qkbeam)
Aragorn: It's called Ode to Gondor, as sung by Aragorn [sings]
Gondor is so stoney
doo da, doo da
Wish I had my throney
oh da doo da dey
(Idril)
Legloas, Gimli and Odd Narrator: [applaud loudly] Bravo! Bravo! Woohoo!
(Thranduilion)
Odd Narrator: Finally he finished, and the odd hunters continued on their way.
Three Hunters: runrunrunrunrunrun
Legolas: Hey, you two! Look up there in the sky, it's that eagle again!
Aragorn: Right, I'm sure it is, Leggy.
Gimli: And what color is the eagle, Legsie? Why don't you come down off that hill and tell me all about it.
Legolas: No, really, it's there! Your non-elvish eyes just can't see it.
Aragorn: If you say so, Legsie. Would this be the-
Gimli: -same eagle that [SNORK] rescued-
Legolas: GANDALF? [lauging hysterically as well] Oh my, that was a good one! That Merry-
Aragorn: [snicker] Returned by the Valar too, and-
Gimli: NAKED! Hahawhahawhahaha! [snerfgasp] Oh, Merry! He really was-
Legolas: Cruelly abducted by orcs, in fact the-
Aragorn: -same orcs we're supposed to be-
Gimli: -tracking?
[pause]
Aragorn: Right, on we go then.
Three Hunters: runrunrunrunrunrun
(Russ)
Aragorn: Hey wait! What's that way out there?
Gimli: Way out where?
Legolas: Ah! I see them! It is a large company of young girls on foot, Orlando Bloom Fans by the look of them.
Aragorn + Gimli: (shiver)
Legolas: But they are yet far away, perhaps twelve leagues or more!
Aragorn: Good, at least we're safe then!
Gimli: Yes, for now, but what of the poor orcs!
Aragorn: They'll have to do the best they can, as will we.
Legolas: I can see something else, another large company heading away from the first and at great speed!
Gimli: Well then I say we find the fastest way to put as much distance between ourselves and the Bloom fans as we can!
Aragorn: I doubt you will find a path that is quicker than the one the Orcs chose!
(merithehobbit)
Odd Narrator: So the three hunters ran quickly down the path the Orcs had left behind.
Run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run....
WON: Suddenly Aragorn gave a cry...
Aragorn: Holy COW! Stay where you are! Just a sec.. let me be the tracker dude!
Legolas: [poses, pauses, looks childlike and curious]
Gimli: Wheeze, gasp, cough..
Aragorn: [runs quickly from the main trial] Oh.. footprints...small little hobbit footprints! Pippin's I think.. he has that funny pinky toe that sticks out.
Gimli & Legolas: Huh?
Aragorn: Horray! And look what I found [holds up brooch]
Gimli & Legolas: The brooch of an elven-cloak!
Aragorn: Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall! Pippin must have dropped this here on purpose!
Legolas: YA THINK?
Gimli: cough, wheeze!
Legolas: Well, at least he was alive up till here.. see any blood around?
(Idril)
Aragorn: No, but the grass was yellow all around.
Legolas: Poor little butterballs, having to run with the orcs!
Aragorn: Yes, the orcs probably whip them if they fall behind....
Gimli: ... or if they stop to look at interesting rocks...
Legolas: ... like they did CONSTANTLY from Rivendell to Lothlorien.
Aragorn: Their hands are probably bound, so they wouldn't be able to stop and catch frogs...
Legolas: ... to put down Frodo's shirt... nor spiders to put in our... I mean the orc's bedrolls...
Gimli: ... and definitely no caterpillars to sneak into the stew.
Legolas: The thought of those merry young folk being driven like cattle burns my heart! Alas, why didn't we think of it ourselves!!
(merithehobbit)
Gimli: wheeze.. cough.. [fumbles in his pocket and pulls out an inhaler.. WHOOOOCH] Ahh.. better.
Legolas: What is that?
Gimli: An inhaler...what?
Legolas: You never told me you had asthma.
Gimli: You never asked!
Odd Narrator: The sun rose up high and had fallen down low and the hunters had only stopped briefly twice to take a pee.
Aragorn: Well, night has arrived, should we keep running, or rest at night?
Gimli: Wheezing again.. surely... cough... the Orcs... wheeze... will stop and rest?
Legolas: Orcs rarely travel by day.. and their batteries are re-charged and work better at night.. so they will keep going.
Aragorn: Orcs have batteries?
Legolas: Oh...yeah.. I think Saruman has Lithium Ion now.. those Nickel Cadmium ones hardly work in the day at all.
Gimli: Huh?
Legolas: Oh nevermind.
Aragorn: So should we keep going and try to track them at night?
Legolas: Sure we can..
Gimli: Uh.. I think I am having a heart attack.. the burning in my chest! Dwarves are hardy people.. but I can't run all the way to Isengard! [takes a breath with inhaler]
Legolas: Oh.. you baby.. I could just keep on going no prob!
Gimli: Well, you must be the energizer bunny then.. Mr. Battery...
Aragorn: Well, I think we would miss signs on the trail if it is dark.. so even though I hate to get further behind.. let's use the time wisely [plop] Snore.. snore.. snore..
Gimli: WOW.. look how he just dropped off like that... I need to at least have a little light reading.
Legolas: Go to sleep.. your heart and chest needs the rest... I'll just go wander around and think for a while...[under his breath] while you ninnies "sleep" Humans... so below us elves...[wanders off humming]
(BunnieBugs)
Narrator: Aragorn awoke before dawn the next morning. Gimli was still asleep...
Gimli: SNORE! (mutter, mutter)... again, my lady? Sure... SNORE!
Narrator: Legolas was gazing northwards.
Legolas: They are far away, now. Ah, the folly of mortal slumber! None but an eagle could overtake them now.
Aragorn: Oh, lay off. Not everyone is as perfect as the elves! Maybe if the elves slept once in awhile, they wouldn't be so mournful all the time. Or touchy. Or superior. Or narcissistic. Or...
Legolas: Oh, enough! Sorry about the "slumber" comment! Sheesh.
Aragorn: You're forgiven. This time. Gimli! Get up! Time to hit the road!
Gimli: Wha...? But it's still dark!
Aragorn: We need to go! Now!
Gimli: (sleepily) Just five more minutes...
Aragorn: No! Get your ass out of bed!
Gimli: All right! All right! (muttering) Your majesty!
Aragorn: I heard that!
Gimli: Okay, smart guy, how are we gonna see in the dark?
Aragorn: (dramatically) I shall listen to the earth! The land must groan under the orcs' hated feet!
[Aragorn lies down and puts his ear to the ground.]
Legolas: [snicker] (to Gimli) Look at him. I think he actually believes he will hear something...
Gimli: [snicker, snicker] What I wouldn't give for a camera right now!
[Aragorn continues to lie on the ground for some time. The sky begins to lighten...]
Gimli: He's sleeping, I just know it! All that fuss about getting ME up and now HE's napping. The nerve...
[Suddenly, faintly, Aragorn hears: ]
Earth: groan...
[Aragorn stands up, his face troubled.]
Aragorn: Whoops. I think I fell asleep there for a moment, but...
Gimli: (to Legolas) I told you!
Aragorn: ...BUT, I hear our enemies far to the north, and also hoofbeats passing in the West, also headed northward. 'Tis a puzzlement...
Legolas: (to Gimli) The guy's deluded. First he dreams that he actually heard some stuff in the ground, and now he's the King of Siam!
Gimli: [snork!] Shall we dance?
Aragorn: All right, you two! (sigh) Well, let's get going...
[run, run, run, run, run, etc...]
(Russ)
Just plain narrator: So began the third day of their pursuit. Long they ran under cloud and sun, with nary a pause or break for lunch, now striding, now running, now prancing, now dancing, now skipping merrily, occasionally dawdling, sometimes bunny hopping and every once in a while just strolling casually. They ran on across empty plains that once were filled with the herds of the Horse Lords who lived in their great tents that, while elaborate, were tasteful and not at all ostentatious. Yet now they were all gone and the plains were quiet, too quiet. On they ran into the evening, the cool wind in their hair, the warm smell of colitas rising up through the air. The tree were growing tired, they were really quite a sight, their heads grew heavy and their sight grew dim, they had to stop for the night.
Legolas: What? we're stopping again? This makes the third time in as many days! Humans! You sleep, you die, it's a wonder you guys ever get anything done at all!
Gimli: Put a lid on it Legolas or so help me I'm gonna. . .
Legolas: [flips the safety off on the AK] click. You'll what.
Gimli: Um, give you a stern talking to!
Aragorn: Alright you guys, let's just settle down. Me thinks There is something else afoot in these lands. I trust not the silence and the moon. I trust not the wind and rain and clouds. Yea! And verily do I distrust the grass the stars and I am weary as I have never been before, 'tis a plot I say! A PLOT! Aye, verily and forsooth! There is upon us a plague, a hindrance, a fell and sinister force that doth impart haste to our enemies yet sets before us a barrier unseen! A foul thing that doth multiplieth the grief in our hearts and sets us at variance with the other! Oh woe is me!
Gimli: Uh, yeah, forsooth and anon. [looks at Legolas]
Legolas: Ootay uchmay unsay!
Gimli: [nods]
Legolas: Ahem: Oh pardon your, er, nobilitude, but methinks that thou mayest have a point in there somewhere.
Aragorn: Verily and forsooth?
Legolas: In spades.
Aragorn: Pray speak! But beat not roundeth the hoary bush!
Legolas: Um, 'tis the will of. . .oh. . .that way over there.
{Legolas points toward the west)
Aragorn: Saruman! Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-patted fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-catch!
Gimli: What the hell. . .?
Aragorn: Nay! Bandy not with me thy words for my braineth acheth and sleep needs must be had ere we start again anon! Ah to sleep! Perchance to dream!
Gimli: Okay, I got that part, good night!
[next morning]
Legolas: Awake! There are fell tidings abroad in the land! The day dawns red! There's a skunk in the woodpile! Something's rotten in Angbad!
Aragorn: [yawning] Good morning all! Boy do I feel better!
Gimli: Dude, if you need a little more we can wait.
Aragorn: No, I'm fine really.
Legolas: Let us be off!
Gimli: Well, okay, but I just want you to know that if you feel the need. . .
Aragorn: Thanks, but really, I'm okay.
Just Plain Narrator: And so once again they ran on across the plains in search of two hairy-footed delinquents. They followed the orc-tracks over hill and dale, and up one more damn hill until yet another night had passed without so much as a glimpse of the hobbits or the orcs. The next day dawned clear, cold and bleak. And from their vantage point they could see far away the Forest of Fangorn toward which the Orc trail ran.
Aragorn: Aw crap!
Gimli: What?
Aragorn: It's that damned Fangorn, look at it, it's still a good ten leagues away!
Gimli: And the orcs?
Legolas: Headed right for it.
Gimli: Well what the hell, we've come this far, we might as well. . .
Aragorn: Wait! There is something else! But all I see is a blur, Legolas, what see you!
(Russ and merithehobbit)
Legolas: [holding slender hand up to shade his bright eyes he looks afar] Hark.. I mean.. Lo... Riders, a s***load of 'em too! And they're coming right for us! Their leader has yellow hair, gleaming eyes and a cute little dimple on his chin!
(Russ)
Aragorn: Keen are the eyes of elves!
Legolas: Aw shucks!
Gimli: Well dimple or not, are we gonna sit here like ducks or are we gonna beat feet?
Aragorn: They're following the orc trail, so we'll wait for them and see if we can't get any news.
Gimli: Or some epsom salts, man, my feet are killing me!
(merithehobbit)
Aragorn: I have got to sit down.. Since they are coming this way, we'll just wait here, kay? [plops onto ground, wipes brow] You must have your binocular contacts in today.. what can you see?
Legolas: Well, there are 105 of them, with yellow hair, and shiney spears..
Gimli: Shiney Spears.. isn't that the singer from the club back in Lothlorien?
Legolas: Well, yes.. she is the singer/barmaid/stalker type... but I meant their spears are reflecting the sun...you know shiney...
Gimli: Shiney...hmmmmmm [far off look]
Legolas: Anyway we have a few minutes before they get here... should we hide or what?
Aragorn: Naaaww... lets just sit down further, and see if these camoflauge cloaks really work.
Gimli: Sounds good to me.
Riders:
This is the way the Ladies ride
Trit, trot, trit, trot.
This is the way the Gentleman ride
Gallop a Trot, Gallop a Trot.
This is the way the Farmers ride
Hobbledee-hoy, Hobbledee-hoy.
This is the way the Rohan Ride..
Duh duh dunt, duh duh dunt, duh duh dunt, dunt dunt..(lone ranger)
[giggle amongst themselves]
Substituting Californian Narrator: Like, I am so totally sure...long haired riders that sing stupid songs.. and I am so sure.. like the heroes would really just sit there? Gag... I mean you really think their clothes would blend in..Oh..sorry..dude.. OK. well.. like.. the three smelly runner dudes who haven't had a shower and are looking, like..well, totally skanky by this time.. anyway.. they just like sat there, you know.. and then finally the Rider dudes, well, they came, well riding up, you know, like on their horses.. soo totally cool, already.. so their camoflauge stylin' cloakie thingies were really working, and the bearded dude was taking notes to report back to the babe chick Galadriel that it worked... and then that Aragorn guy who thinks he's a King.. yeah..anyway.. him..like, he just totally stands up and says "Hey Dude's we're here". Like I am soo sure.. why would you do that.. give yourself away and all and I mean, really... as if....
Legolas: Sheeesh.. I thought the Odd guy was bad [pppffft]
Substitute Californian Narrator: AAAAAAAAAAAAA.. No way.. like.. I... am.. soo.... sure.. I ... am ... bleeding.
Gimli: Oh. good one.. she had to go!
(Russ)
Legolas: Hey, what are they doing now?
Aragorn: Tight formation riding. Look, it's the missing rider formation!
Legolas: Yes, there are three riderless horses! Now what are they doing?
Aragorn: It's their famous starburst formation, they do it at all the horse shows, pretty cool huh?
Legolas: How do they stay so close without hitting each other?
Aragorn: Well the lead rider does all the thinking and the others just do whatever the one in front of them does.
Gimli: You speak as if you know them.
Aragorn: I have spent time with them. They are not unkind, brave and generous if a little dull of wit! Of books they have none which is just as well since they can neither read nor write. They do know many songs however and sing them after the manner of Hank Williams Junior.
Gimli: So will they kill us or help us?
Legolas: Ask them yourselves, here they come!
Aragorn: Quick! Everybody down!
[thunderous hoofbeats as the riders approach]
Aragorn: [jumps up suddenly in front of the riders] BOO!
Riders: What the!?!?!?!?!
[with astonishing speed and skill the riders plowed full on into the each other sending horse and riders flying in all directions]
Riders: Argggggggggggggg!!!!!!!
Gimli: [wincing] Ooooo! he's gonna feel that one in the morning!
(Idril)
[Scene: Riders have untangled themselves and regained their composure. Their leader speaks...]
Eomer: Who are you and why aren't you wearing any pants?
Aragorn: I am called Strider. I am from the North and I am hunting orcs.
Eomer: That doesn't explain why you aren't wearing pants.
Aragorn: I didn't want them to get soiled.
Eomer: At first I thought you were orcs yourselves. But I can tell that you aren't from the poor muscle definition in your pasty white thighs. Do you know what would happen to the three of you if you came upon a party of orcs?
Aragorn: That's why we removed our pants.
Eomer: Good idea, I suppose. But wait. Why, if your name is Strider, does it say "Aragorn" in your dialog?
Aragorn: I am traveling incognito.
Eomer: I see. And who are your companions?
Aragorn: Legolas, an elf and Gimli, a dwarf. What is your record for the most consecutive questions?
Eomer: Thirty-eight.
Gimli: Can I chop off his head yet?
Legolas: Sh!
Eomer: Why do you want to chop off my head?
Aragorn: Oh, that's my bad. I interrupted you and made you miss a question.
Eomer: What question?
Aragorn: Where did we get our cloaks.
Eomer: I don't know.
Aragorn: We got them from the Lady of the Golden Wood.
Eomer: <snicker>
Gimli: You'd best not speak ill of her.
Eomer: Wooden't think of it! <snicker> Did this lady of the golden wood give you anything else? <snicker>
Gimli: Well yes, she gave me a lock of hair and Legolas an AK-47.
Eomer: (gulp) Nice lady!
Gimli: Well if you change your mind let me know... so I can chop off your head.
Legolas: Yeah.
Aragorn: Now you must tell us! Do you serve the Dark Lord?
Eomer: Who me? No way! Do you?
Aragorn: I serve no man, for I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's heir <whips out Anduril> And this is the sword that was broken!
Legolas: Dude! That move is much more impressive now that the pieces don't go flying everywhere.
Eomer thinks: Oh geeze, my tutor told me that one day a mugger would leap out and threaten to kill me if I didn't know who Isildur was... but I always scoffed at the old man. Now I'm into meadow muffins up to my armpits! Isildur, Isildur... who's side was he on? Why oh why didn't I pay attention in History? Did Isildur ever have to take history? Do these people REALIZE how dreadfully dull History is when the sun was shining outside and the horses are running? Quick decision time! This sucks!
Eomer: Oh! A good thing!? I'm glad that you've... ummmm.... returned? Am I supposed to know what your quest is?
Aragorn: We are looking for our friends who were captured by orcs.
Eomer: They were captured by orcs here?
Aragorn: No in Mordor, but we were afraid to go there, duh.
Eomer: Well sorry, they're dead.
Aragorn: Well THAT'S JUST GREAT! We ran ALL this way and they're DEAD! Come on guys, let's go.
(Russ)
Legolas: The Hobbits are dead?
Eomer: Yes, I'm afraid so, um, what's a Hobbit?
Gimli: A strange name for a strange folk, sort of like a Hennway.
Eomer: Okay, I'll bite, what's a Hennway?
Gimli: Oh, about three pounds! Haw, haw, haw, whew, sometimes I crack myself up!
Legolas: What he MEANT to say is that our friends are the Halflings of legend and myth.
Eomer: Halflings? Get out of town!
[to the rest of the riders] Hey! Spock here says that they are looking for the Halflings from the old songs!
Riders: [uproarious laughter]
Eothain: C'mon dude, what do you take me for? What are you going to tell me next? Oh wait I know! One of you is named jack and you just came down a giant beanstalk when the orcs stole your singing harp? Do we walk in fairy-tales or on the green earth in the clear light of day?
Aragorn: A man may do both if he smokes enough Longbottom!
Eothain: Sounds to me like you've been smoking something alright. Look bud, we've got places to go and orc's to kill, so if you don't mind we'll kill you and be on our way.
Eomer: Whoa big guy! Why don't you take the others and stand over there, just out of hearing so that I can speak to these folk in secret.
Eothain: Dude! You're not seriously going to. . .
Eomer: Just do it.
Eothain: What-ever! C'mon guys, let's work on that sudden stopping drill.
Eomer: Sorry about Eothain, he's a little, hoom, hum, hasty. We may not be too smart, but we can tell by the size of your nose that you do not lie to us. Still, there is more to your story than you're letting on. You want to spill it or do I let Eothain have his way and despoil you like he did the orcs?
Gimli: Ewwwww!
Legolas: Eww. . .Hmmmmm.
Aragorn: Okay, we left Imladris a while back with Boromir and Gandalf the Grey,. . .
Eomer: Gandalf! I know him! He used to come every now and again and mooch free room and board off of us. What a freeloader! My dad is so pissed at him right now, you know once he. . .
Aragorn: Do you mind?
Eomer: Oh, sorry, please continue.
Aragorn: Well, after we left Rivendell. . .
[later]
Aragorn: and that is our tale, so you see, we need your horses.
Eomer: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Aragorn: I said, THAT IS OUR TALE!
Eomer: ZZZ...Huh? Boy, Strider is too poor a name for you, I name you Longwinded! These are strange days in deed! elf and Dwarf walk together holding hands, not that there is anything wrong with that. Strange men telling boring tales and waving swords around, how's a poor rider like me to decide what to do?
Aragorn: The same as he ever has, flip a coin, cut the cards, scissors, rock paper, you know, the usual.
Legolas: In the Wood we like the Eeny-Meeny.
Eomer: Okay, Aragorn you call it.
[flips coin]
Aragorn: Heads!
Eomer: Heads it is! Three horses coming up, be right back.
[Eomer rides over to his men]
Eomer: mumble, mumble, mumble
Eothain: WHAT?!?!?!? To these freaks? You gotta be kidding me! The human and the Vulcan . . .
Legolas: Elf!
Eothain: . . .maybe, but a dwarf on a horse? Who's kidding who here?
Gimli: Um, yeah, about that, you know Aragorn, if it's all the same to you I'll just trot along beside you and Spock.
Legolas: ELF!
Gimli: Whatever.
Aragorn: Nay Gimli! Your legs are far to thick and stubby! You'll just slow us down.
Legolas: It's okay, he can ride with me. I am an elf and weight next to nothing anyway.
Eomer: Good, it's settled then, we'll give you two horses, but you have to bring them back when your done.
Aragorn: We will.
Eomer: Promise?
Aragorn: Cross my heart and hope to die.
Eomer: Stick a thousand needles in your eye?
Gimli: Yuck!
Legolas: Double Yuck!
Aragorn: Yes, yadda, yadda, needles blah, blah, blah.
Eomer: Okay then, here's the horses, have a nice trip and if your ever in the neighborhood. . .
Aragorn: Don't worry, we will! And now, Farewell! Heigh-ho silver, AWAY!
[the three ride off, Aragorn in the lead, Legolas with Gimli close behind]
Rider #4: Who was that masked man?
Redundant Narrator: And so departing, the three left. On across the filed of Rohan they rode, riding on horseback on the backs of their horses. In no little time they came to the place of their arrival where, arriving, they stopped and halted.
Aragorn: Well, this is certainly a mess! I can't read a freakin' thing! The Hobbits must be mixed in with the dead orcs. This is gonna kill old Bilbo!
Gimli: Frodo is gonna get a little upset too, if he makes it that is.
All three: BWAH, HAW, HAW, HAW. BWAHHHHH, HAWWWWWW, HAWWWWW!
Aragorn: If he makes it! Good one Gimli!
Legolas: One thing I've learned about Dwarves, they sure know how to lighten a mood!
Aragorn: Well, I don't know about you three, but I'm bushed. Lets get some sleep!
(Idril)
Gimli: It's going to be a cold night, and Legolas always hogs the covers. I think I shall light a fire.
Legolas: Hmmph... liar.
Aragorn: It would be dangerous to lay axe on any living bough here, Gimli. Perhaps you should just sleep in the middle tonight.
Gimli: Ha! Not after that last time. Here, the Riders left much wood from their orc-bonfire. [gathers wood and starts a small bright blaze]
Legolas: Look! The tree is glad of the fire!
Aragorn and Gimli: Riiiiight!
Odd Narrator: The companions drew lots and Gimli was forced to sleep in the middle... which, of course, was not very conducive to slumber.
Aragorn: Ow! Your elbow!
Gimli: I see something... an old man in a hat... peeking out from the forest.
Legolas: <snicker> He's not that old.
Gimli: No, really!
Legolas: It's probably just Saruman... go back to sleep. Oh, what's that? The horses are running away.
Aragorn: Should we go get them?
All Three: Naaaahhh!