(IdrilCelebrindal)
Pippin: <YAWN> What's for breakfast, Sam?
Sam: Fruitcake.
Pippin: <SQUEAK!> Never mind! Hey Frodo, wake up!
Frodo: Hmm? Hi, where's the elves?
Sam: <sigh> They were gone when I woke up.
Frodo: So you liked them? Were they what you expected?
Sam: Well yes and no, Mr. Frodo. They were a lot bossier and ruder than I expected, but for some reason that made me feel all tingly inside.
Frodo: Allllrighty then. Let's pack up and head out. Through the woods to the Buckleberry Ferry! Pippin, we'll need you to stuff yourself with fruitcake and sing really loud. That way the Black Riders will come and eat you and leave Sam and I alone.
Pippin: <SQUEAK!>
(K1PTOO)
Nazgul: RAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGRRRRRGTTT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(BunnieBugs)
Pippin (squeaking): What was that! Could it be a bird? (mumbling)Please be a bird. Please be a bird.
Frodo: That was not a bird or a beast. It was a call or a signal.
Sam: Maybe that Barmaid followed you after all, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: Be still, Sam. How many times do I have to tell you, there was nothing between us!
[They shoulder their packs and hurry off toward Buckleberry Ferry...]
(lotr42)
[Camera cuts to Nazul galloping hard to the Shire, approaching Bag End. His long, black robes trailing in the wind. Along the lane, he spots Sam's dad, the Old Gaffer.]
Nazgul: *hiss* Baginnessses?
Gaffer: Get on with ya! You have no business here!
Nazgul: SSSCCCCRRRREEEEECCCCCHHHH!
[The Gaffer shudders to hear such a terrbile sound, the very hairs on his feet standing on end. He wonders what creature from the foulest pits of Mordor could make such a sound when suddenly he spies the source! Hidden under the cloak of the black rider... a small chalkboard. The Nazgul's long nails trailing across it. Evil... pure evil.]
[Cut back to the hobbits]
(BunnieBugs)
[Frodo, Pippin and Sam come to the edge of a turnip-field, and Pippin stops in front of the gate.]
Pippin: I know this place! We're on Farmer Maggot's land! Frodo, are you all right? You suddenly look a bit green...<SQUEAK!> It's not another one of those Black Riders, is it? I wish I hadn't eaten the rest of that fruitcake...
(Sevilodorf)
Frodo: No, no, it's not that. It's just... well.. how can I say this?
Pippin: You're scared!! Frodo is a chicken! Cluck! Cluck!
Frodo: Well, the last time I was living in these parts, Maggot caught me stealing his mushrooms. He's told his dogs to eat me the next time they saw me.
Pippin: Oh, you're safe then. He doesn't have those dogs any more. He's switched to Wargs.
Sam: What's a warg?
[[Sounds of howling and growling]]
Pippin: You'll see, because here they come.
(dyanstar)
Pippin: So you scared then Frodo?
Frodo: Yeah, terrified!
Pippin: Good, let's go.
(FrodoPippinSam)
[Frodo's face turns a ghostly pale as DOGS (not wargs) approach. *Dogs Barking and howling*]
Farmer Maggot: Grip! Fang! Wolf! Go on, boys!
Frodo: *remembering Maggot's threat* (under his breath) he's going to kill me.
Sam: (whispering) I don't think I quite understand...
Frodo: He beat me last time we met, and then took me showed me his dogs while he said: "See, lads, next time this young varmint sets foot on my land, you can eat him. Now see him off!" And they chased me all the way to Buckelberry Ferry.
Sam: Nothing will happen to you this time, Mr. Frodo. Not while I'm here.
Pippin: (still walking ahead but a little slower glances back at the pair that had stopped) Oh Frodo, don't be such a sissy. It's time you made up and everything will be fine and dandy. You're coming back to live in Buckland so you best patch things up. By the way, when he gets here, I'll do the talking. He's a friend of Merry and me. No worries, we used to come here often!
[The dogs aproach and and the most feroucious of the 3 stops in front of Frodo, bristling and growling.]
Pippin: Good afternoon, Mr. Maggot, how are you?
Farmer Maggot: Why hello! If it isn't master Pippin, or Pergrin Took I should say. (scowl turns to a smile) It's been quite some time since you've been around here. It's quite lucky for you that I know you, I was gonna set my dogs out on any strangers. Funny things have been happening today, queer folk are abroad.
Pippin: What folk do you mean?
Maggot: Haven't you seen 'em? One went up the lane towards the causeway not to long ago. A funny customer he was, and asked many strange questions. Would you like to come inside and we'll exchange news in a more comfertable place? I've some good ale on tap if you and your friends are willing, Mr. Took.
Frodo: What about the dogs?
Maggot: (laughing) They ain't gonna hurt ya, unless I tell 'em too. Come along Grip, Fang, Wolf, heel! Heel!
(walking along)
Pippin: Mr. Maggot, these are my friends, Mr. Samwise Gamgee and Mr. Frodo Baggins. You may not remember Frodo, but he used to live in Brandy Hall.
Maggot: (gives Frodo a sharp glance then takes him by the arm) Well, isn't that queerer as ever? Mr. Baggins is it? Come inside and we must talk!
(FrodoPippinSam)
[Every one went back into Farmer Maggot's cozy little house and they had some beer, a lot of it at that...]
Maggot: So, Pergrin, where are you coming from, and where are you off to?
Pippin: Well, we are coming from Hobbiton, and were trying to take a shortcut to the Ferry,
Maggot: Well, if you were in a rush, you would have been better off taking the road apposed to my back fields.
Pippin: We came through your fields quite by acident. We got rather lost in the woods back near Woodhall.
Maggot: Pippin you may walk all over my fields if you please, you have my permission. And you Mr. Baggins-- though I do say you do still like mushrooms. (laughs) I recognized the name. I recollect the time when young Frodo Baggins was one of the worst young rascals of Buckland. But it wasn't mushrooms I was thinking of. I had just heard the name Baggins turn up before you did. What do you think the funny customer asked me?
Sam: Was it a young barmaid because if it was...
Frodo: SAM!
Sam: Well, you never know Mr. Frodo.
Maggot: Indeed it was, cute little girl..
Sam: So she was following us, or ahead of us and thought she was behind us. Mr. Frodo I do wish you would explain what is going on between--
Frodo: Sam! NOTHING IS GOING ON! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME! (breathing hard)
(IdrilCelebrindal)
Mrs. Maggot: Dinner's ready!
Assorted Maggots: <bring out a large amount of food>
Pippin: Gosh, today has been so scary and stressful, I don't think I could eat a thing.
Frodo: <snorts beer out of his nose>
All hobbits including Pippin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
[The hobbits proceed to put away their weight in some good home cooking.]
(Merithehobbit)
<Cut to Crickhollow>
Fatty: OK, I think everything is all ready.
Merry: See if you can find the Strawberry Soap, I think it is Sam's favorite. I can't believe they aren't here yet, it is getting dark and foggy. I think I will head across the ferry to see if they have fallen into a ditch or something. I knew they would run into trouble with Pippin along...
Fatty: OK, but bundle up, it is rather damp out.
[Merry heads out door and down the hill to cross the ferry in search of his friends.]
(BunnieBugs)
[Cut back to Farmer Maggots, where pleasantly full hobbits are getting ready to depart.]
Maggot: If you'll allow me, I'll drive you down to the Ferry in my waggon. Save you some walking, and trouble of another sort, as it's getting dark.
Frodo: Thank you, I'll certainly take you up on that!
Sam: Thank goodness, if you don't mind me saying so, Mr. Frodo. Maybe we can lose that Barmaid at last!
Frodo: Sam, it's not really her that I'm concerned about.
Pippin: Well, maybe you should be. Look how far she's trailed you! Can't mean anything but trouble.
[The hobbits ride in the back of the waggon, though the thickening fog. Just as they reach the entrance to the Ferry, they hear hoofs on the road, coming toward them.]
Hoofs: Clip-clop, clip-clop
Sam: You'd better be hidden, Mr. Frodo. I'll get rid of her for you!
Frodo: Sam! Enough about the Barmaid!
Hoofs: Clip-clop, clip-clop
Maggot: Hello! Don't come any nearer. What do you want?
Merry: I want Mr. Baggins. Have you seen him?
FM: Mr. Merry!
Merry: (laughing) Of course it's me. Who did you think I was? A barmaid?
Sam: Oh, Mr. Merry, don't even joke about that!
Frodo jumps out to greet Merry.
Frodo: Hallo, Merry!
Merry: Well, there you are! I was wondering if you were going to show up! Where did you find them, Mr. Maggot?
Maggot: Caught 'em trespassing on my land. Almost let my dogs eat them! But, I fed 'em instead, and they're all yours!
Frodo: Thanks for the supper and the ride, Mr. Maggot.
Maggot: You're quite welcome. And here's a little something from Mrs. Maggot. (Takes out a large basket and hands it to Frodo)
Frodo: Mushrooms!