Acknowledgements:
This virtual film is a parody/tribute to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by JRR Tolkien.
Screenwriters (books V & VI): Aneya26, BadWargMama, Bridget Chubb, BunnieBugs, danadoo, Idril, Lilly of Rivendell, Lothlorienbaby, Merithehobbit, Pippin1984/PippinTheElf, Qkbeam, Rilith, Russ, Sevilodorf, Silarien, Sillimarilli, Thranduilion, and Weaverbird.
Acknowlegements: The virtual filmmakers would like to express their sincere appreciation to the everyone that worked on the real LOTR: FOTR movie (The cast and crew list can be seen here: www.lordoftherings.net).
We would also like to thank the following individuals and organizations for their inspiration, and for the unexpectedly low influx of lawsuits and death threats:
Douglas Adams, Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, Airstream, Alpha Books, American Taekwondo Association, Aerosmith, The Animals, The B52s, Ashley Bainfield, The Beach Boys, The Beastie Boys, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, Birmingham City Football Club, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Kenneth H. Blanchard, Wolf Blitzer, The Boy Scouts, William (Bear) Bryant, Jimmy Buffett, Sammy Cahn, Callard & Bowser-Suchard, Jack Canfield, Mariah Carey, Dale Carnegie, Lewis Carroll, Dana Carvey, Channel No. 5, Chrysler Corporation, Bill Clinton, CNN Headline News, Paula Cole, Coolio, The Immortal Sam Cooke, Cousineau, Jaques Cousteau, Walter Cronkite, Macaulay Culkin, Culligan International, Leonardo Da Vinci, Rodney Dangerfield, Al Davis, Dexatrim, Leonardo Di Caprio, Christian Dior, Walt Disney Corporation, DMX, Dove Promises, Saxie Dowell, DuPont (makers of Teflon), Bob Dylan, The Eagles, Eminem, Environmental Protection Agency, Enya, ESPN, Evian Water Conservation Centre, Fox Communications and or News Network, France, Jeff Foxworthy, E&J Gallo Winery, The Gap, Jerry Garcia, General Electric, General Mills (makers of Honey Nut Cheerios), General Motors Corporation, Kelly Gordon, John Gray, The Greatful Dead, M.C. Hammer, George Harrison, Harrods, Paul Harvey, Hasbro Games (makers of Twister and Scrabble), HBO, The Heads, Hugh Hefner, Henkel Consumer Adhesives (makers of Duck brand Duct Tape), The Hollies, Honda, L. Ron Hubbard, Ichiro, International House of Pancakes, Steve & Terry Irwin, Michael Jackson, Billy Joel, Spencer Johnson, Shug Jordan, M.T. Kalashnikov & the Red Army of the USSR, The Flying Karamozov Brothers, Ken Kesey, Kiss, Calvin Klein, K-Mart, Jack Kornfield, Kraft (makers of Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Koolaide and Tang), Krispy Kreme, Osama Bin Laden, Cyndi Lauper, John Lennon, Lenny Lipton, Liverpool Football Club, Lockheed Martin (makers of AC-130 Spectre Gunships), Harry Dixon Loes, Lynrd Skynrd, Madonna, MacDonald's, The Mamas and the Papas, Karl Marx, Mattel (makers of Barbie), Paul McCartney and Wings, Bobby McFerrin, Meatloaf, Bette Midler, A.A. Milne, M&M Mars (makers of Kit Kats and Skittles), Joni Mitchell, Reverend Sun Yung Moon, Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein, Monty Python, That sucky ISP that ripped Meri off and wanted to make her wait three weeks to get her DSL account reactivated even though they were the ones that screwed up her account in the first place and who probably would sue us if we mentioned their name but let's just say Bill Gates ought to be ASHAMED of himself., Muzak LLC, National Areonautics and Space Administration, Johnny Nash, Willie Nelson, Newcastle Breweries LTD, New Line Cinema, Nintendo (makers of Pokemon and Game Sphere... er... Game CUBE), Olde English Brewing Company, Yoko Ono, Joan Osbourne, Ozzy Osbourne, Oxygen, Palm Inc (makers of Palm Pilots), The Peace Corps, Pelé, Peter Paul and Mary, Pfizer (makers of Listerine, Viagra and Visine), Pigpen, "Planet of the Apes", Elvis Presley, Prince, All Psycho Sports Fans, REM, RJ Reynolds Tobacco Company (makers of Camel cigarettes), Rivaldo, Geraldo Rivera, Anthony Robbins, Roche Laboratories (makers of Valium), Rodgers and Hammerstein, Alex Rodriguez, George Romero, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Rotary Clubs of America, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Church of Scientology, Sears, Seattle Mariners, Sega Corporation, Seinfeld, Shakira, William Shakespeare, Richard M.Sherman, Robert B. Sherman, Charles Shultz, M. Night Shyamalan, Carly Simon, Slim-Fast Foods Co., Sonny and Cher, Britney Spears, Jerry Springer, Edwin Starr, Sting, Stokely-Van Camp (makers of Gatorade), Target Superstores, Texas Rangers, Tiger Electronics (makers of Furbys), TLC, Toyota, The Trammps, Trojan Brand Condoms, The University of Alabama Crimson Tide, UPN, US Air Force, Congress, Natural Resources Conservation Service, Secret Service and Social Security Administration, Jimmy Van Heusen, Victoria's Secret, WalMart, Warner Brothers, Weight Watchers, Wham-O (makers of Frisbees), John Wiley & Sons, Wrigley's (makers of Juicy Fruit), The WWF, Yanni, Yellowstone National Park, Zodiac Brand Inflatable Boats.
Ditto for the creators of the following mighty fine films, songs, television & radio shows, plays &etc:
"The 13th Warrior", Walt Disney's "Aladdin", "Army of Darkness", "Austin Powers", "Barney and Friends", "Battlebots", "Beauty and the Beast", "Beavis and Butthead", "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", "Blazing Saddles", "Casper the Friendly Ghost", "A Christmas Story", "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", "The Count of Monte Cristo", "Crazy in Alabama", "The Crocodile Hunter", "Deep Impact", "Deliverance", "Dexter's Laboratory", "Die Hard", "The Emperor's New Groove", "ER", "The Flintstones", "Fried Green Tomatoes", "Friends", "Full-Metal jacket", "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir", "Gilligan's Island", "Gone with the Wind", "The Good Son", "Hannibal", "Happy Days", "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone", "Home Alone", "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", "I Know What You Did Last Summer", "The Incredible Hulk", "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", "Jeopardy", "Johnny Bravo", "Karate Kid", "Laverne and Shirley", "The Lion King", "Lone Gunmen", "Lost in Space", "Marathon Man", "Married with Children", "Mary Poppins", "Moby Dick", "Mommie Dearest", "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", "Moonstruck", "Night of the Living Dead", "The O'Reilly Factor", "Patton", "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure", "Peter Pan", "The Power Puff Girls", "The Princess Bride", "Raiders of the Lost Ark", "Rhoda", "Risky Business", "The Road Runner", "Robin Hood Men in Tights", "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Roswell", "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in", "Saturday Night Live", "Scooby Doo", "Sesame Street", "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers", "The Shining", "Shrek", "The Simpsons", "The Sixth Sense", "The Sound of Music", "South Park", "Soylent Green", "Spiderman", "Star Wars", "Superman II", "Survivor", "Terminator", "This is Spinal Tap", "The Three Stooges", "Titanic", "Vagina Monologues", "The Very Secret Diaries of Cassandra Claire", "Wayne's World", "Wheel of Fortune", "The Wizard of Oz", "X-Files", "Young Frankenstein".
Screenwriter Shout-outs
Aneya: Righto! First, I'd like to thank my brother for sitting me down as a child and having me watch a certain animated film, which taught me to love hobbits while developing a bit of a dislike for warbling folk singers and those that speak in the third person. To my fellow screenwriters, thank you for giving me a reason to go to work everyday. You all have taught me how to efficiently file my work ethic under the letter "T" for trash. Hooray! And to my oblivious foreign employer, thank you for paying me salary to work out my insanity, no... addiction, no... obsession, um... love for Tolkien's magnificent literary masterpiece through silly writings... on your time. Neener!
BunnieBugs: First, thank you, dear hubby, for putting up with my all-consuming obsession for the months and months it took to write the parody, for fixing my computer when I topedoed it, and for giving me DSL in the hope of moving things along faster so that you could see me more often.
Gothmog: Well, it would have been nice if that last part had actually worked...
BunnieBugs:Heh. Sorry about that. Next, thank you, my darling daughters, for enduring unprecedented levels of neglect as I toiled away at the computer, day after day. Hugs for both of you...
M: Um... who are you again?
K: Papa, that weird lady is trying to hug me again!
BunnieBugs: And finally, to my fellow screenwriters; thank you for the laughs, the inspiration, the encouragement, the camaraderie and the friendship. I will never forget you or this wonderful experience.
Other Screenwriters: Aww, give someone else a turn, willya? Idril, can't you shut her up? Jeez, you'd think she was accepting an Academy Award, or something....
Idril: Okie doke! As for me, I'd like to smack... err... I mean THANK my kids for figuring out how to microwave ravioli while Mom's on the 'puter. Lots of hugs and *muahs* to my fellow screenwriters for all their wonderful, superb work and for not lynching the editor, and many, many thanks to everybody that snickered at my parts and quoted me in their signatures. What a rush! P.S. to Beverly... Hey, this writing stuff ain't so tough and all. When's your book thingy gonna be done? Heheh.
Merithehobbit: Ahem...uh...is this mic on...oh...snicker. I'd like to thank my Daddy for being obsessed enough to name me after the bestest hobbit Meriadoc Brandybuck...well, he is one of the bestest...and my Mama for going along with it. To Beornis, who learned to be tolerant of my new perch at the computer desk, who laughed at jokes that made no sense whatsoever when you're watching hockey, and gave me obscure facts, names and odd spellings for scenes he's never read about before. To PJ for roping me into the void that is called Lordaholism... er... addiction, and Netscape for making it all possible -- thanks a lot now I need an intervention, or at least a 12 step program! To all my fellow screenwriters who fought with me, laughed with me, bumped me, pretended to like my additions, and raced me to the message board to get to be up next. I love you guys...*sniff*. Thanks to our fan, do we have more than one now? Uh fans! [blush] For coming along for the ride. And yes before I go, thank you so much all the actors from the movies by New Line for giving us such fodder, and droolworthy ideas to work from OSHA had to move in with a regular janitor to mop up the debris and slobber! OH wait...no wait...there is NOT a commercial! [smacks teleprompter] I'd also like to thank the very special punctuation mark, *sniff* the period key...aka the dot key...because of it's hard work and dedication to making my scenes whole. Thank you, thank you and [dabs eyes] it's been wonderful, [trip, fall, stumble, crash] I'm okay...just keep going about your business.
To whom it may concern, Re: Russellbor's Dedication
Good afternoon. Russ was unable to attend this dedication due to personal reasons. His doctors assure us that he is recovering nicely and almost never hears the voices anymore. He is working hard to put this sordid little chapter as far behind him as possible and I'm sure that he will appreciate all your good wishes. I will now read from his prepared statement:
"HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHAH AHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAH! WHOOPEEEEEEEEEE! LOOK AT ME! I CAN FLY! Hey, HEY! LET ME GO! STOP IT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, I'M THE DARK LORD DAMMIT! STARE!!! PUT-THAT-NEEDLE-DOW.... ahhhh. That's better. La, la laaaa."
This concludes the prepared statement. Originally it was intended that there be more, but his doctors refused stating concerns about pens, public safety and sharp objects.
It should be mentioned that during our interview with Russ he was lucid enough at one point to express his supreme gratitude and undying thanks to all of the other participants in the parody. It was his un-estimable pleasure to have been able to work with all of you and he wished me to tell all of you that anytime you wish to visit him, you are all welcome to do so. He says that the story about him eating that awful critic is a dirty lie. He thought it was one of those fake rubber critics when he bit the finger off and besides, the guy got most of it back.
Eventually.
And as for dedicating this parody, he wished it to be known that he is dedicating his participation in it to Sally Struthers "'cause she just doesn't get enough dedications."
Sincerely,
The Staff
Thank you all, and for further updates on Russ's condition please go to "The Journal of American Psychiatry: Russellbor: A Case Study".
Silarien: I would like to thank boring television programmes and absent friends for giving me the inspiration to beat the sh*t out of my favourite book in the whole world.
Thran: To my parents, who indoctrinated me in the ways of Middle Earth before I was old enough to beg them not to. To my roommate, who put up with my snorks and red-faced attempts NOT to burst out laughing at my own cleverness. And, of course, to Leggy & AK. Because she's AK-47 to me.
Outtakes and Deleted Scenes
Outtake: Minas Tirith
(Rilith)
Shadowfax: Not me, ma'am. I've been galloping for the last ten chapters and I'm still not out of breath. Umph!
[Shadowfax has tripped on a stone, has fallen to the ground and sent Gandalf and a half-asleep Pippin flying into the mud]
Crew: BWAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHA!!!
[Shadowfax gets up very embrassed]
Shadowfax: Can we do that bit again.
Outtake: The Passing of the Grey Company.
(Rilith)
Odd Narrator: Legolas, Gimli and Merry walked together for a time, talking about the battle. They came down from the broken gate and passed the mounds of the dead, stopping on Helm's Dike to look into the Coomb.
Merry: What's that creepy mound of stones down there?
Legolas: That is the Death Down. It is believed that the slain orcs lie there.
[Pop!]
Merry: You mean you don't knoooahhh!!!
Legolas: Eep!
[A huge bunch of multi-coloured pop up snakes fly up from the bottom of the Coomb. Orckish laughter can be heard echoing its way up from Death Down. Legolas has wrapped himself around Gimli who is fighting for breath]
PJ: BWAHAHAHA!!! [slaps leg] Classic! [Wipes tear from eye] Ok..I..just..need..to catch my breath. Snork Ok somebody get the crowbar and pry Legolas' crotch from Gimlis face and we can continue.
Outtake: The Muster of Rohan
(merithehobbit)
Odd Narrator: So Eowyn the Tickle Queen brought Merry the Ticklish pouter to her lair...uh.. tent...to play dress up? Who writes this stuff?
Merry: Oh... it's just Meri the screenwriter. She's back and rarin' to go.
Odd: Well, that explains the many pauses and dots I guess.
Merry: Yup...uh...do you think the other screenwriters will let me get tickled again. That was fun. I wonder if Pip will get any tickles.
Odd: I doubt it...you know Meri...she ranks you pretty high... I don't even thing Legolas got tickled so far...and she has him on her screensaver... I never get tickled or nothing!
Merry: Yeah, well, I guess that's what you get for having a great voice and a balding head?
Odd: Well, Saruman has a great voice...and wears a wig...how come I can't be Saruman?
Merry: Well, it could be the jowls...but I am not sure.
Odd: Probably...well the perks of Narrator are not too bad [motions to the table next to him]...want a doughnut?
Merry: [scrambles up to the microphone booth] Heck yeah! Got any raspberry filled?
Odd: A few, I like the Bavarian cream myself.
Merry: [chomp, red raspberry filling dripping down his chin] Wos war wood woo...[lick, smack]
Outtake: The Seige of Gondor
(Idril Celebrindal)
Odd Narrator: But among the greater shot were others, less ruinous but far more horrible.
Citizens: ICK! Heads! This is horrible!
Ingmar: Hey, wait a minute... Isn't this Big Bob?
Bergman: You mean the guy that does those aweful commercials for Causeway Forts Auto Imports?
Ingmar: Yeah, I think that's him... it's kind of hard to tell without the chicken suit.
Bergman: You're right! Hey everybody, Big Bob is dead!
Citizens: Big Bob is dead? Woohoo! Yippee!
Frederico: Hmmm... isn't this William Cheetum?
Fellini: Who?
Fredrico: William Cheetum... that Osgiliath lawyer from Dewey Cheetum & Howe?
Fellini: That %*#$*@#$!?!? He's dead? Hallelujia!
Citizens: [rejoice]
[cut to enemy camp]
Witch King: [SMACK!] You MORONS! We're supposed to be making them despair, not celebrate! Don't send any more lawyers or car salesmen over unless they're still alive!
Outtake: The Ride of the Rohirrim
(Rilith)
Unobstrusive Narrator: I expect you'll find out just how bad soon enough. Anyway..the faint drums?
Merry: Oh, right (sticks fingers in his ears and wigles them around) [squealing and general radio fuzz]
'I'm a slaaavvvve for you'
(Britney Spears blares out of the hobbits head)
Army of Rohan: What they?
(Suddenly a contagious(sp?) dance begins within the ranks)
Army of Rohan: 'I'm a slaaavvve for you' [All in time point to Theoden who is happily clapping along]
PJ: CUUUTTT!!!!!! Someone sort out that Hobbits frequency change it to easy listening.
Outtake: The Tower of Cirith Ungol
(Meri & Idril )
Nazgirl: Ooooh! Can I run my fingers through your chest hair? Elijah: Which one? This one over here? Or this one over here? Nazgirl: Uh...That one I guess? Elijah: Go for it! Nazgirl: NO WAY! You're going to let me run my fingers through a chest hair? [SQEEEEEAAAAAALLLL] Sean: Well, there is one condition. Nazgirl: Huh? Sean: You have to run your fingers through my chest hair too. Nazgirl: EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW! You have the Austin Powers fuzz goin! FORGET IT. Sean: Well, it's either that, or I Sam will kill you. Elijah: [snicker] Nazgirl: [flies off] SCREEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCHHH! Elijah: HIGH FIVE! Sean: [High fives Elijah] Elijah: Do you think I should pluck or wax these two? (Silarien) Aragorn: Okay, guys. Race you to the Gap of Rohan! Odd Narrator: The company set off at a gallop, with Gandalf and Aragorn at the front, and Pippin, on his wayward ass, falling gradually behind. Pippin: Wait for meeeeeeeee! Odd Narrator: Eventually Aragorn halted and the company waited for Pippin to catch up. Aragorn: Remember this place, Pippin? Pippin: Er, it's where I, er, where ... it's where the palantir kidnapped me. Aragorn: Mmmm. That's one way of putting it. Anyway folks, I'm off now. Bye. Frodo: WHAAAT? Sam: Just like that! Merry: No party? Frodo: No hugs and kisses? Pippin: No food and drink? Sam: You'll just disappear and forget us? Aragron: Of course not. I'll have my beady palantir on you from time to time. Pippin: I wish we could have a palantir, so we can see you and all our other friends. Aragorn: Sorry. The only spare is showing nothing but old horror movies. Pippin: Uh, so it is. Life sucks. We'll never see you again. Aragorn: Get off your ass, Pippin, and come over here. Merry: [snork] Pippin: [Dismounting] You're not going to tell me off, are you? Aragorn: I just want to remind you that you are still a soldier in my army. Now, ATTEN-TION! Pippin: [Standing quickly to attention] Aragorn: HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR. HUP, TWO, THREE, FOUR. Pippin: [Marching stiffly around the meadow] Aragorn: AAAT EASE! Okay, Pippin, you're now officially on leave, but I can call you back at any time, so remember to keep your kitbag packed. Pippin: [Grinning] Yessir. Odd Narrator: The whole company dismounted and Aragorn went over to Galadriel and Celeborn to say goodbye. Galaldriel: Elfstone, now that you have all you desire, use it well. Aragorn: Um, yes ... I'm trying. It's just .... Celeborn: [Taking Aragorn aside and slipping a phial into his hand] Elven women sometimes require a bit of ... olfactory stimulation, if you follow my meaning. A dab of Essence of Balrog is the secret of my long marriage. Aragorn: Wow, thanks. I did wonder about that. Celeborn: Just go steady with it. It's got to last a long time, and you wouldn't want to have to get a refill. [Thinking to self, now I'm going to have to hang around Middle-Earth until I can find one.] Odd Narrator: Aragorn fondly took his leave of all the companions and, with renewed eagerness, rode off into the sunset. On the horizon, he paused and lifted the green stone into the air. Beryl: LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEE! Eagle Pin: Flasher! Beryl: Hah, I'm the one with all the glory, toots. It must suck there in my shadow. Eagle Pin: Yeah, right. Without me, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. You're just a windbag under my wings. Beryl: Cheap piece of tin! Eagle Pin: Pea brain! Beryl: Bitch! Odd Narrator: Aragorn was in such a good mood that he carelessly put the broach back in his pocket with the phial. Eagle Pin: [Sniff] What's that? [Sniff]... Hey, Berry Baby, did you ever know that you’re my hero? Let's have a cuddle. Beryl: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (merithehobbit) Odd Narrator: Farmer Cotton and his sons ran off and Sam rode up to the house, spying Mrs. Cotton, Rosie and Nibs on the porch, with pitchfork in hand. Sam: It's me Sam! Don't get any ideas with that pitchfork there Nibs...besides I've seen worse and got me a pitchfork proof vest. [jumping off his pony] Hi there Mrs. Cotton, Rosie [blush] you're looking phat! Rosie: [blush] [giggle] Hey there Sam, way to pick up hip words and things, pick up any viruses I need to know about? Sam: [blush] [walks up and gives her a hug] [whispers] No, but I got a whole lot of action with your name on it. Rosie: [blush] [fans self] Hot damn boy, where you been I've been in heat for six months. Mrs. Cotton: What are you saying there? Rosie? Are you warm? Rosie: [blush] Just a little mother...[fan, fan, fan] Nibs: No you two are just dripping pheromones. Mrs. Cotton: What was that? Rosie: I think he said he hears the soup dripping on the scones. Mrs. Cotton: Oh Dear, I better check that. Rosie: [smacks Nibs] Shhhh, you dork. Like you aren't all hot to trot on...well lookie there... Daisy is hiding in the bushes. Nibs: [looks up] WHERE? Rosie: Over there, whoo hoo, I think she's got the red panties on. Nibs: [bolts off to the bushes and rustles around] Sam: Oh are you a naughty girl? [pulls Rosie close] Rosie: Wouldn't you like to find out how naughty...[plants a kiss on Sam] Sam: [BLUSH] Rosie: Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Sam: [BLUSH, BLUSH] Well, actually it is a sword...but uh... Rosie: Shut up and kiss me you big stud! [KISS] Sam: [pulls away] Rosie, I just came over to make sure you were okay, and I really have to go...[blush] Oh my! [looks down] Rosie: [giggle] Well, I suppose you should go and save the Shire...[KISS] [strokes his chest] Sam: [blush] Well, perhaps...[KISS] We could just [unbuttons her dress] you know...for a minute...[blush] Rosie: [buttons up the buttons] No touchie! I have a reputation you know, plus Mom and Nibs will be back in less time than you can...[blush] Well, go off and help Mister Frodo...[blush] Sam: [blush] Well, I should I suppose, but I'd really...[kiss] Rosie: Mmmm...[blush] Honey go on and kick some Customer Service butt, I'll still be hot and bothered when you get back. Sam: [blush] Okay then! [walks bowlegged back to his pony, looks at the saddle and starts to lead the pony down the walk] Rosie: You're not going to ride off into the sunset? Sam: [blush] Well, snookums, I may just have to walk of your welcome for a bit! Rosie: [blush] Ahem...Well, make sure you come back as soon as those morons are gone, and we can spend some time out in the hay fields. Sam: [blush] Okay! [ouch] [blush] Caution: The following contains much silliness and self-insertion. The managment cannot be responsible for lost braincells. (merithehobbit) Bunnie: Idril, what am I going to do, I am so embarrassed, Meri called me on the "a" word. Idril: What, we can't say ass now? Sheesh she is square. Bunnie: Well, I think she just has little kids at home. Russ: That's a reason not to cuss? Meri: Oh geeze...about the bad "a" word. Sorry to cause such a froth here... Idril: Sure, sure, we know you just want to get us all worked up about something, seeing as Dkvpd didn't show up on Friday. Russ: Whoa. He didn't? Maybe he got offended. All: BWAAAHAHAAAAAA! Meri: Really, I don't want to make trouble...I don't mind if you use it...although I prefer fanny. [under breath] It's not like I don't call my kids a few choice words... Russ: See, I told you, cussing is good for kids. Meri: [snicker] Well, it is good for getting the point across sometimes...although I used to crack up when my Mom cussed at us... Idril: Well, who's for "ass" and who's for "fanny"? Various screenwriters hands go up on both words. Idril: Well, I'll just do whatever I want kay? All: Okay! Meri: Hey, do you think we can have Faramir laying on his stomach at the house of healing...so his eh, er...best feature is showing? Bunnie: [snork] Oh, I am going to tell Legolas. Meri: Shhh... you know he hears even better than he looks. Thran: You got that right, I can't say a thing with out...Oh hi Legolas. [sparkling smile] Legolas: Hey Thran, hey screenwriters. Meri: Um, Hi Legolas, um...do you think I can maybe write you some more next chapter? Legolas: Well, you can try sweet thing...I don't show up till the following one though. Meri: [checking her book] Oh.. Bunnie: [smiling broadly] But you can do some Merry. Meri: OH! HIGH FIVE! I love doing Merry. Merry: Whoo baby, I love being done! Legolas: Humph! [glares at Merry] Fickle Screenwriters. [walks off] Meri: Well, Russ, just wanted to thank you for ending that depressing chapter on an up note there! I am glad this one is down...damn Denethor. Denethor: Hey, I am just in character. Stop cussing, your kids will read ya. Damn screenwriters. Bunnie: Oh, yeah, well, you're a lunatic... Idril: And you're about to fry bud. Denethor: Humpfh. (Idril) Pippin: Alrighty then! Merry: Ow! I think I pulled a muscle... um... earlier. Let's go sit on the wall (merithehobbit) Meri the screenwriter: NO WAY... Thran left an opening to do Legolas AND Merry? Bunnie: Oh brother here we go. Idril: I think that is known as a menage a trois! Meri: WHOO HOO.... I mean...HEY... I'm really not that kind of girl.. Bunnie: SNORK. Russ: Did someone mention menage a trois? BadWargMama: Yeah...Meri and Bunnie want you Russ. (Bunniebugs) Meri: Ack! BWM! Russ: Er… that’s okay. (backs away) I’ve got, um… other plans… BWM & Idril: [snicker] Bunnie: Oh, come on, guys! Don’t you know typical wargish behavior when you see it? BWM: I resemble that remark. Heh heh. (merithehobbit) Bridget: Well, as long as nothing is involving Sam... Idril: No...no Sam, you're keeping him plenty busy by yourself. Meri: [giggle] Bunnie: [snicker] Bridget: What are you saying? I'm not doin... Sam: Hi Bridget...[blush] Bridget: [blush] All Screenwriters: [snicker] Thran: We'll just be going now [giving a knowing look to Bridget]... Now Meri...just because I am off having a life doesn't mean you can jump Legolas bones... Meri: What? I wasn't ...I mean...[blush] Legolas: So, Meri...I hear you have a little crush on me? [checks fingernails] Meri: [blush some more] I... Well... I mean...you're...[blush deeper] I think you're very attractive...but...uh... Bunnie: She's married. Legolas: [smirk] And that's a problem? Meri: [mouth hangs open] Bunnie: [snicker] Idril: Oh great Leggy, now you went and made Meri speechless... Aneya: Way to go Legolas...That's saying something...[sidles up to Legolas] you don't happen to know Pippin do you? [glowing smile] Legolas: Yeah...do you want an introduction...he's just over there... Aneya: [does a little jump] Heck yeah...gonna gloat about this! [beaming] Legolas: Hey Pip, Merry...c'moverhere! Hey Pip, a fan...Aneya...and over there Merry is Meri...a Merry fancier...she likes me too [smiles]. Meri: [hides behind Bunnie] Bunnie: It's okay Meri...its Merry...and he is coming over here anyway. Merry: Hi Meri...I like your work...especially how you do me. Meri: [blush] Oh man...that sounds bad...last time I said that... Merry: Not really, I gotta get laid this chapter anyway... Doctors orders...shall we? Meri: [blush] [blush redder] [faints] Bunnie: Now you did it...she's out cold. Merry: Just leave us alone, maybe she needs mouth to mouth... (merithehobbit) Meri the screenwriter: Um....Bunnie? Bunnie the screenwriter: Yeah? Meri: I...uh...do you think we can change the ending? It is a parody after all? Bunnie: What? Why would you want to change the ending...the Elves go off...Frodo and Bilbo...and...and.. Meri: [sniff] Well, I just... [sob] I hate to see Frodo all...[wipes tear] sad and when he goes away...[sniffle] I just cry every time...and I just want to see him happily married and settled with a little family in the Shire...[weep] Bunnie: [sniff] But...he's a Ring bearer Meri..."to bear a ring of power is to be alone!" Haven't you been to the movie 9 times already, you should know that line? Meri: Yes...Nine Times... Rilith: [grins] Nine times? ...I don't remember you going Nine Times.... Russ: That's because she was skipping school... Meri: Hey, I don't go to school...[snicker] Weaverbird: [snork] Wake up and smell the coffee Rilith...Meri's addicted beyond reason... Meri: Umm hmmm...true. But like you all aren't? Screenwriters: [snicker] [look around] [whistling] Bunnie: I suppose we COULD make Frodo a little less...depressed...though he does pull the best sad eyed looks ever to grace the silver screen.. Idril: Change the ending?...changing anything Tolkien would be blasphemy! All Screenwriters: BWHWHWHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!! SNORK...GUFFAW! (merithehobbit)
It's a world of Hobbits Outtake: Many Partings
Outtake: Scouring of the Shire
The Return of the King -- Behind The Screenwriters
BTS: The Seige of Gondor
BTS: The Last Debate
BTS: Grey Havens
It's a Parody After All.
A world of Men
But the world of Elves
has come to an end.
With a SNICKER and SNORK,
and a stab with a fork
It's a parody after all.
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
I'ts a Pay-Roh-DEE!
There is just one book
and one slutty ring
And a new web site,
singing swords named Sting
You will laugh and you'll cry
Only look and see why
It's a parody after all.
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
It's a parody after all,
I'ts a Pay-Roh-DEE!