The Rules:
- Take a quote from LOTR (books or movie) and substite the word "pants" for any other word in the passage.
For example: "The pants of Umbar!" men shouted. "The pants of Umbar! Look! The pants of Umbar are coming!" - You have to use the word "pants", not "pant".
- It should be funny if at all possible.
The Fellowship of the Ring (Movie)
Elrond: "Tangado haid! Hado i philinn!" (Hold your pants! Fire the arrows!)
-- Idril
Gandalf: Life in the wide world goes on much as it has this past age, full of its own comings and goings. Scarcely aware of the existence of pants... for which I am very thankful.
-- lothlorienbaby
Ringwraith: Shire. Pants.
Hobbit: Pants. There are no Pants 'round here. They’re up in Hobbiton, that way.
-- lothlorienbaby
Gandalf: (holding ring in tongs) Hold out your pants Frodo, it’s quite cool.
-- lothlorienbaby
Sam: "Begging your pardon, sir! I ain't been dropping no pants!"
-- Elentari Galad
Saruman: Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late. And Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard, seeking my pants. For that is why you have come, is it not? My old friend!
-- Lullabeas
Saruman: 'Pants? What pants do you think we have?'
-- Tinuva
Sam: "You've been into Farmer Maggot's pants!"
-- Daystar~Clarion
Frodo: "I think we should get off the pants. GET OFF THE PANTS, QUICK!"
-- Daystar~Clarion
Strider/Aragorn: "Dartho guin Beriain. Rych le ad tolthathon." (Stay with the Hobbits. I will send pants for you.)
-- Idril
Arwen: "Frodo fîr. Ae athradon i hir, tur gwaith nîin beriatha hon." (Frodo dies. If I get across the river, the power of my pants will protect him.)-- Idril
Boromir: Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.-- Stomper
Legolas: "Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The pants must be destroyed!
-- XELA
Boromir: "You hold the pants of us all, little one."
-- katran
Scene: Frodo has just woken in Rivendell, and Sam comes rushing in.
Gandalf: "Sam has hardly left your pants."
-- aranel_elf
Scene: Arwen and Aragorn in Rivendell
Arwen: "Do you remember what I told you?"
Aragorn: "You said you'd bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people."
Arwen: "And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone."
She gives Aragorn her pendant.
Arwen: "I choose a mortal life."
Aragorn: "You cannot give me this."
Arwen: "It is mine to give to whom I will, like my pants."
-- Elentari Galad
Elrond: "The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin by any pants that we here possess."
-- Anthea The Great
Aragorn: "Boromir, give the pants to Frodo!"
-- Elfie
Saruman: "Moria. You fear to go into those pants. The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep."
-- SigEpMJS
Gandalf: "I have no memory of this pants."
-- Anthea The Great
Gandalf: "The pants of Bilbo may rule the fate of many."
-- SigEpMJS
Gandalf: "If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your pants."
-- SigEpMJS
Gimli: "Aarrgghhh!!! Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws pants!"
-- SigEpMJS
Gimli: "Nobody pantses a dwarf! Not the pants!"
-- Daystar~Clarion
Aragorn: "By nightfall these hills will be swarming with pants!"
-- Daystar~Clarion
Haldir: "The dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the pants."
-- Daystar~Clarion
Celeborn: Eight that are here yet nine pants were set out from Rivendell.
-- Idril
Celeborn: "Where is Gandalf? For I much desire to pants with him."
-- Anthea The Great
Galadriel: "Will you look into the pants?"
Frodo: "What will I see?"
Galadriel: "Even the wisest cannot tell."
-- katran
Galadriel: "You offer it to me freely. I cannot deny that my heart has greatly desired pants."
-- Daystar~Clarion
Saruman: "You do not know pain, you do not know fear. You will taste man pants!"
-- SigEpMJS
Saruman: "One of the halflings carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and unpantsed"
-- SigEpMJS
Boromir: "If you would but lend me the pants!"
-- Elfie
Boromir: They will take the Ring and you will beg for pants before the end!
-- Stomper
Boromir: "They will find you! They will take the pants and you will beg for death before the end!
-- bandit
Aragorn: "I would have gone with you to the end, into the very pants of Mordor."
-- Daystar~Clarion
Aragorn: "Frodo's fate is no longer in our pants."
-- Daystar~Clarion
Aragorn: "Let's hunt some pants!"
-- AngusThermopile
The Lord of the Rings
A Long-Expected Party
"The pants go ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Pants has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many pants and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."
-- Lullabeas
A Shadow of the Past
Frodo: "Will you not take the pants?"
Gandalf: "No! With that power I should have pants too great and terrible. And over me the pants would gain a power still greater and more deadly."
-- katran
Gandalf: "That is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the pants given to us."
-- Idril
Three is Company
"A sudden unreasoning fear of discovery laid hold of Frodo, and he thought of his Pants. He hardly dared to breathe, and yet the desire to get it out of his pants became so strong that he began slowly to move his hand."
-- Idril
Gildor: "...May Elbereth protect you!"
"But where shall I find pants?" asked Frodo. "That is what I chiefly need."
"Pants are found in unlikely places," said Gildor. "Be of good hope! Sleep now! In the morning we shall have gone, but we will send our pants through the lands. The Wandering Company shall know of your journey, and those that have pants for good shall be on the watch."
-- Marielwing
A Conspiracy Unpantsed
"'Is it only the pants that are dangerous?' asked Pippin.
'There are various queer pants living deep in the Forest, and on the far side,' said Merry, 'or at least I have heard so; but I have never seen any of them. But something makes pants. Whenever one comes inside, one finds open pants; but they seem to shift and change from time to time in a queer fashion.'"
-- Marielwing
In the Pants of Tom Bombadil
Goldberry: "For you are still afraid, perhaps, of mist and tree-shadows and deep water, and untame pants. Fear nothing!"
-- Idril
Tom: "Pants, that's what I am. Mark my words, my friends: Pants was here before the river and the trees; Pants remembers the the first raindrop and the first acorn. He made pants before the Big People, and saw the little Pants arriving...He knew the dark under the pants when it was fearless-before the Dark Pants came from Outside."
-- katran
Strider
"I am called Pants," he answered, "and though he may have forgotten it.
your friend promised to have a quiet talk with me."
You said I might hear something to my advantage, I believe," said Frodo.
"What have you to say?"
"Several things," answered Pants. "But, of course, I have my price."
-- Ekla Reuel
"'But I hope we shall get to know one another better. When we do, I hope you will explain what happened at the end of your song. For that little prank --'
'It was sheer accident!' interrupted Frodo.
'I wonder,' said Strider. 'Accident, then. That accident has made your pants dangerous.'"
-- Idril
The Pants of Elrond
"Bring out the Pants, Frodo!" said Gandalf solemnly. "The time has come. Hold it up, and then Boromir will understand the remainder of his riddle."
-- Ekla Reuel
"'You were less tender to me,' said Glóin, with a flash in his eyes, as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king's pants."
-- Idril
The Bridge of Khazad-Dum
Gandalf reads from the Book at Balin's Tomb: ".... Then Balin has set up his seat in the Chamber of Mazarbul."
"The Chamber of Pants," said Gimli. "I guess that is where we now stand."
-- Idril
"With a terrible cry the Balrog fell forward, and it's shadow plunged down and vanished. But even as it fell it swung it's whip, and the THONGS lashed and curled about the wizard's knees, dragging him to the brink. He staggered and fell, grasped vainly at the stone, and slid into the abyss. 'PANTS, you fools!' he cried, and was gone."
-- Ekla Reuel
Lorien
Aragorn: "Farewell Gandalf!" he cried. "Did I not say to you; if you pass the pants of Moria, beware? Alas that I spoke true! What hope have we without pants?"
-- silvericelf
The Pants of Galadriel
"'And now at last it comes. You will give me the Pants freely! In place of a
Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful
and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and
the Snow upon the Pants! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger
than the foundations of the earth. All shall love pants and despair!'
"She lifted up her hand and from the pants that she wore there issued a
great light that illuminated her alone and left all else dark. She stood
before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond
enduring, terrible and worshipful. Then she let her hand fall, and the light
faded, and suddenly she laughed again, and lo! she was shrunken, a slender
elf-woman, clad in simple pants, whose gentle voice was soft and sad.
"'I pass the test," she said. 'I will diminish, and go into the Pants, and
remain Galadriel.'"
-- Loralíenasa
The Uruk-Hai
"'Put up your pants!' shouted Ugluk. 'And let's have no more nonsense!'"
-- Loralíenasa
The White Rider
"With that the three hunters plunged into the pants of Fangorn."
-- Idril
Helm's Pants
Aragorn parleys with the Uruk-Hai:
"'The King stays or comes at his own will,' said Aragorn.
"'Then what are you doing here?' they answered. 'Why do you look out? Do you wish to see the greatness of our pants?'"
-- Idril
Flotsam and Jetsam
Aragorn: "One who cannot cast away pants at need is in fetters. You did rightly."
-- MEDICRN
The Palantir
"Lie there and rest, if you can, Pippin!" said Gandalf. "Trust me. If you feel an itch in your pants again, tell me of it! Such things can be cured."
-- Idril
Minas Tirith
Pippin: "When last I saw him he sank beside a tree and plucked a black-feathered shaft from his pants. Then I swooned and was made captive."
-- Idril
The Pants of the Grey Company
"'Thus spoke Malbeth the Seer, in the pants of Arvedui, last king at Fornost,' said Aragorn:
Over the land there lies a long pants
Westward reaching wings of darkness
The Tower trembles; to the tomb of kings
Doom approaches. The Pants awaken;
for the hour is come for the pantsbreakers
At the Stone of Erech they shall stand again
And hear a horn in the hills ringing.
Whose shall the horn be? Who shall pants them
from the grey twilight, the forgotten people?
The heir of him to whom the oath they swore
From the North shall he come, the need shall drive him:
he shall pass the Door to the Pants of the Dead."
-- Demosthenes
"Dark ways, doubtless," said Gimli, "but no darker than these pants are to me."
-- Demosthenes
"A struggle somewhat grimmer for my part than the battle of the Hornburg," answered Aragorn. "I have looked in the Pants of Orthanc, my friends."
-- Demosthenes
The Pants of Cirith Ungol
Snaga sees Sam: "It stopped short aghast. For what it saw was not a small frightened hobbit trying to hold a steady sword: it saw a great silent shape, cloaked in a grey shadow, looming against the wavering light behind; in one hand it held a sword, the very light of which was a bitter pain, the other was clutched at its pants, but held concealed there some nameless menace of power and doom."
-- Idril
The Steward and the Pants
"Faramir smiled, though his heart was filled with pity. 'Your window does not look eastward?' he said. 'That can be amended. In this I will command the Warden. If you will stay in this house in our care, lady, and take your rest, then you shall walk in this garden in the sun, as you will; and you shall look east, whither all our pants have gone.'"
-- Idril
The Grey Pants
"Then Frodo kissed Merry and Pippin, and last of all Sam, and went aboard; and the pants were drawn up, and the wind, blew, and slowly the ship slipped down the long grey firth..."
-- Idril
The Silmarillion
Flight of the Noldor
Feanor at Tuna: "'Why, O people of the Noldor,' he cried, 'why should we longer serve the jealous Valar, who cannot keep us, nor even their own pants secure from their Enemy?'"
-- Idril
Of Beren and Luthien
"Then the pants of silence fell from Beren, and he called to her, crying Tinuviel; and the woods echoed the name. Then she halted in wonder, and fled no more, and Beren came to her. But as she looked on him, doom fell upon her, and she loved him; yet she slipped from his arms and vanished from his pants even as the day was breaking."
-- Idril
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