The Rules:
- Take a quote from LOTR (books or movie) and substitute the word "pants" for any other word in the passage.
For example: "The pants of Umbar!" men shouted. "The pants of Umbar! Look! The pants of Umbar are coming!" - You have to use the word "pants", not "pant".
- Don't change any of the other words.
- It should be funny if at all possible.
The Fellowship of the Ring (Movie)
Gollum: NO! Our pants is lost!
-- Tesphala of Lothlorien
Galadriel: The Pants passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever.
-- Vallinoria Greenleaf
Gandalf: Ooh! You didn't think I would miss your Uncle Bilbo's pants?
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: If you're referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: (to Gandalf) Whatever you did, you've been officially name a Disturber of the Pants.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Merry: You're supposed to stick in the pants!
Pippin: It is the in the pants!
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Gandalf: Bilbo...the ring is still in your pants.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Gandalf: The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared, a secret now that only pants can tell.
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: Bilbo found it... in Gollum's pants.
-- Alkhilwen
You know of what I speak, Gandalf -- a great Eye... lidless... wreathed in flame.
-- fotr ttt and trotk fan
They are not all accounted for, the lost Seeing Pants. We do not know who else may be watching!
-- fotr ttt and trotk fan
Sam: I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from pants I've ever been.
-- Alkhilwen
Merry: That black rider was looking for pants, or someone...Frodo?
-- CharmedOrliFairy
Gandalf: All these long years it was in the Shire, under my very pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Farmer Maggot: Out of my pants. You'll know the devil if I catch up with you!
-- Alkhilwen
Gatekeeper: Pants, four pants! What business do you have in Bree?
Frodo: We wish to stay at the pants. Our business is our own.
-- CharmedOrliFairy
Frodo: Underpants. My name is Underpants.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Butterbur: Gandalf? Gandalf? Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, big gray beard, pointy pants. Not seen him for six months.
-- Alkhilwen
Pippin: (to Merry) It comes in pants?
Merry: Mmmhmm.
Pippin: I'm getting one!
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Sauron: There is no life in the pants...only death!
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: You draw far too much attention to your pants, Mr. Underhill!
-- Jen
Sam: Let him go, or I'll have you Longpants!
-- CharmedOrliFairy
Frodo: Where are you taking us? Strider: Into the pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Pink Eye: The trees are strong my Lord. Their pants go deep. Saruman: Rip them all down.
-- Alkhilwen
Pippin: Oh that's nice! Ash on my pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: This is beyond my skill to heal, he needs elvish pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Arwen: What's this? A Ranger? Caught off his pants?
-- Tesphala of Lothlorien
Arwen: "Frodo fîr. Ae athradon i hir, tur gwaith nîin beriatha hon." (Frodo dies. If I get across the river, the pants of my people will protect him.)
-- Bcl
Arwen: I do not fear pants.
-- Bcl
Aragorn: Arwen, ride pants. Don't look back.
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: There is only one lord of the ring... and he does not share pants!"
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Saruman: (to Gandalf) Embrace the power of the Ring, or embrace your own pants!
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Elrond: Isildur kept the Ring. The line of pants is broken. There is no strength left in the world of pants. They’re scattered, divided, pantless.
-- Lizzybeaner
Boromir: The shards of Narsil! The blade that cut the ring from Saruon's pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Arwen: Why do you fear the pants? You are Isildur's heir' not Isildur himself.
-- EnedalcarElf
Arwen: (to Aragorn) Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's pants, not Isildur himself.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Arwen: You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself. You are not bound to his pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: The same blood flows in my pants. Same weakness.
-- Alkhilwen
Legolas: This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Boromir: One does not simply walk into pants. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs.
-- Alkhilwen
Elrond: You have only one choice.... It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery pants from whence it came.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Gimli: I will be dead before I see the ring in the pants of an Elf!
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Legolas: You have my bow.
Gimli: And my pants!
-- Arwenelf
Merry: Hey! We're coming too! You'll have to send us home, tied up in a pants to stop us!
-- Tesphala of Lothlorien
Pippin: Anyway, you need people with pants on this sort of mission...quest...thing!
-- Tesphala of Lothlorien
Bilbo: My old sword, Sting! -- The blade glows blue when pants are close. And its times like that my lad, when you'll have to be extra careful!
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Gimli: Let us go through the pants of Moria!
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: No Gimli, I would not take the roads through Moria unless I had no other pants.
-- Youkoh
Gandalf: Pants of Saruman! The passage south is being watched. We must take the Pass of Caradhras.
-- Youkoh
Legolas: There is a fell voice on the pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: Its Saruman!
Aragorn: He’s trying to bring down the pants!
-- Youkoh
Boromir: We must get off the pants! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!
-- Youkoh
(extended version) Gandalf: Yes Gimli, their own masters cannot find pants if their secrets are forgotten.
-- Alkhilwen
Gimli: Soon master elf you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves. Roaring fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the pants of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A mine!
-- Youkoh
Boromir: Legolas! Aim for his pants! Come on!
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: I wish the pants had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
-- Youkoh
Gandalf: Even the very wise can not see all pants.
-- Bcl
Sam: (in Dwarrodelf) now there's a pants opener and no mistake.
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: (reading) Drums, drums in the pants. We cannot get pants. A shadow moves in the pants...
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: Pants of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!
-- Cutee Jo and Youko
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! Throw your pants in next time and rid us of your stupidity!
-- kimpigoinksalot
Gimli: Mirthril! You are full of pants, Master Baggins.
-- Alkhilwen
Gimli: Nobody tosses a dwarf... NOT THE PANTS!
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf (to Balrog): I am the servant of the secret pant! Wielder of the pants of Anor!
-- Lulinda
Gandalf (to Balrog): You shall not pants!
-- Ashley
Aragorn: By nightfall these pants will be swarming with orcs!
-- Eamane
Gimli: Stay close young hobbits! They say there’s a great sorceress lives in these pants, an elf-witch of terrible power.
-- Kimpigoinksalaot
Gimli: (about Galadriel) All who look upon her fall under her pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Gimli: I have the pants of a hawk and the ears of a fox!
-- Alkhilwen
Haldir: You have entered the pants of the Lady of the Wood.
-- Samwise and Alkhilwen
(extended version) Legolas: Govannes vin gwennen le, Haldir O Lorien (Our fellowship stands in your pants, Haldir of Lorien.)
-- Alkhilwen
(extended version) Aragorn: (to Haldir) boe ammen veriad lin. (We need your pants.)
(extended version) -- Alkhilwen
Galadriel: (about Gandalf) he has fallen into pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Boromir: One day, our pants will lead us there.
-- Alkhilwen
Galadriel: For the mirror shows many things, things that are, things that were, and things... that have not yet come to pants.
-- Samwise
Saruman: Do you know how orcs first came into being? They were pants once...
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the pants and continue on foot. We approach Mordor from the north.
-- Cutee Jo and Youko
Aragorn: I suggest you take some rest and recover your pants, Master Dwarf.
-- Alkhilwen
Boromir: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Frodo? I know why you seek pants. You suffer; I see it day by day. You sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other pants, Frodo, other pants that we might take.
Frodo: I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart.
Boromir: Warning? Against what? We're all afraid, Frodo. But to let that fear drive us to destroy what pants we have. Don't you see that is madness?
Frodo: There is no other way!
-- Cutee Jo
Boromir: I ask only for the strength to defend my pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: I swore an oath to protect you.
Frodo: Can you protect me from your pants?
-- Samwise
Legolas: The pants of Gondor!
-- Alkhilwen
Boromir: Frodo, where is Frodo?
Aragorn: I let Frodo go.
Boromir: Then you did what I could not. I tried to take the pants from him.
Aragorn: The pants is beyond our reach now.
Boromir: Forgive me, I did not see it. I have failed you all.
Aragorn: No, Boromir, you fought bravely! You have kept your pants.
-- Cutee Jo
Aragorn: I do not know what strength lies within my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the white pants fall.
-- Youko, Cutee Jo and ACCEBERRYAN
Boromir: I would have followed you my brother...my captain...my pants! (dies)
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: Go back Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone!
Sam: Of course you are, and I'm coming with pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: Frodo's fate is no longer in our pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: Not if we hold pants to each other. We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that be pantsed behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some orc!
-- Cutee Jo
The Two Towers (Movie)
Gimli: Three day's and night's pursuit.. no pants... no rest...
-- ILoveElijah
Aragorn: Not idly do the pants of Lorien fall.
-- ILoveElijah
Aragorn: Legolas! What do your elf pants see?
Legolas: The Orcs turn Northeast. They are taking the pants to Isengard!
-- ILoveElijah
Legolas: They run as if the very pants of their masters were behind them.
-- Alkhilwen
Freda: But Papa says Eothain must not ride Eorl. He's too big for pants!
Morwen: Listen to me. You must ride to Edoras and raise the pants!
-- ILoveElijah
Eomer (to Grima): Too long have you watched my sister. Too long have you haunted her pants.
-- Lisa
Eowyn (to Wormtongue): Your pants are poison!
-- Lothlorienbaby
Eomer: How long was it since Saruman bought you? What was the promised price, Grima? When all the men are dead, you would take your share of the treasure? Too long have you watched my pants.
-- Idril
Gimli: Give me your pants, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine.
-- Alkhilwen
Legolas: You would die before your pants fell!
-- Alkhilwen and LegolasLover
Legolas: Hir hyn hidh ab wanath. (May they find pants after death.)
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: Pants? yes that's what they used to call me (winks)
-- Eowyner
Gandalf: Through fire and water from the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last I threw down my pants and smote his ruin upon the mountain side.
-- Idril
Gandalf: There is union now between the two pants. . .
-- wargmaster
Eomer: I would cut off your pants Dwarf, If it stood but a little higher from the ground.
-- wargmaster
Eomer: Theoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own pants.
-- palantir3owner
Eomer: May these pants bear you to better fortune than their former masters.
-- palantir3owner
Aragorn: (to Gimli in Fangorn forest) lower your pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Legolas: This is one of the Mearas, unless my pants are cheated by some spell.
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf the White: Oh no, you would not part on old man from his walking pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Gandalf: The courtesy of your pants is somewhat lessened of late, Theoden King.
-- wargmaster
Grima: I told you to take the wizard's pants!
-- Alkhilwen and Ada
Gandalf: Your hands would remember their old strength better if they were to grasp your pants.
-- wargmaster
Aragorn: No, my lord! Let him go. Enough blood has been spilled on his account.
Grima: Get out of my pants!
-- Idril
Theoden: I know what you ask of me, but I will not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open pants.
Aragorn: Open pants is upon you, whether you would risk it or not.
-- celliott
Eowyn: The woman of this country learned long ago that those without pants can still die upon them.
-- palantir owner
Eowyn: A cage. To be kept behind bars and all thought of pants has gone beyond recall or desire.
-- BalrogPimp
Grima: Theoden will not stay at Edoras. He will expect an attack on the pants.
-- Celedine
Gimli: It's true you don't see many dwarf women, and in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, they are often mistaken for dwarf men!
Aragorn: It's the pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: All Isengard is emptied.
Théoden: How many?
Aragorn: Ten thousand pants at least.
-- Naila
Aragorn: It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the pants of men.
-- Alkhilwen
Theoden: I want every man and strong lad able to bear pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Theoden: Get them into the pants. Saruman's arm will have grown long indeed if he thinks he can reach us here.
-- palantir3owner
Theoden: I have fought in many wars, master dwarf. I know how to defend my own pants.
-- Idril
Gimli: Most have seen too many winters.... Legolas: Or too few. Look at them, they're frightened, I can see it in their pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Aragorn: then I shall die with pants!
-- Bcl
Gimli: If we had time I'd get this adjusted. It's a little tight across the pants.
-- palantir owner
Hasslebak: Send for the king! Open the pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Legolas: Shall I describe it for you, or would you rather I get you a pants?
-- Marielwing
Legolas: Your pants are with you, Aragorn.
-- Alkhilwen
Legolas: Their armour is weak at the neck and under the pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Theoden: Yes. Yes! The Horn of Helm-Hammerhand shall sound in the pants, one last time.
-- Idril
Ugluk: They are NOT for pantsing.
-- palantir3owner
Merry: I think, we might have made a mistake leaving the pants, Pippin.
-- ILoveElijah
Merry: You remember the Old Forest, on the borders of Buckland? Folk used to say there was something in the water that made the pants grow tall and come alive.
-- Idril
Grishnakh: (about Merry and Pippin) What about their pants? They don't need those. Ooh! They look tasty.
-- Alkhilwen and Requiay Draconis
Pippin: (to Treebeard) and whose pants are you on?
-- Alkhilwen
Treebeard: We have come to a decision. We have decided that you are not pants.
-- Eowyner
Pippin: We still have the pants.
-- Eowyner
Treebeard: I like going south, it feels like going down-pants.
-- Bcl
Saruman: The world is changing. Who now has the strength to stand against the pants of Isengard and Mordor?
-- ILoveElijah
Saruman: The horsemen took your lands. They drove your people into the hills, to scratch a living off rocks.
-- ILoveElijah
Elrond: I will not leave my pants here to die.
-- Alkhilwen
Arwen: Gerich meleth rin ada. (You have my pants, Father.)
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: What food do we have left?
Sam: Pants. And oh look...MORE pants!
-- Eowyner
Frodo: Nothing ever dampens your pants, does it Sam.
-- Idril
Gollum: Filthy little thieves, they stole our pants and we wants it!
-- wargmaster
Frodo: This is pants. You've seen it before, haven't you, Gollum! Release him or I'll cut your throat!
-- ILoveElijah
Frodo: This is sting. You've seen it before, haven't you Gollum! Release him or I'll cut your pants!
-- Alkhilwen
Sam: Quiet you! It's hopeless! Every pants in Mordor will hear this racket! Let's tie him up and leave him!
-- ILoveElijah
Frodo: The pants is treacherous. It will hold you to your word.
-- ILoveElijah
Sam: He was trying to trick us! We let him go he'll throttle us in our pants!
-- ILoveElijah
Frodo: Do you know the way to the pants?
Gollum: Yes.
-- ILoveElijah
Gollum: Yes, yes, come master, we will take you on safe paths through the pants.
-- palantir3owner
Gollum: Master should be resting. Master needs to keep up his strength.
-- Idril
Gollum: Pants! Pants on wings!
-- palantir3owner
Gollum: They will pants us! They will pants us!
-- palantir3owner
Gollum: Master says to show him the way into pants. So good Smeagol does, master says so.
-- Vallinora Greenleav
Gollum: Stupid hobbit! Ruin nice pants!
-- Hethíen
Sam: Oh, what I wouldn’t give for some lovely, big golden pants...
-- palantir owner
Galadriel: There is nothing we can do for Frodo; the quest will claim his pants.
-- wargmaster
Galadriel: It works hard now to find its way back into the pants of men.
-- palantir owner
Frodo: We are hobbits from the shire. Frodo Baggins is my name and this is Samwise Gamgee.
Faramir: Your bodyguard?
Sam: His pants.
-- Alkhilwen
Faramir: A chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his pants.
-- wargmaster
Manathor: You know the laws of our country. The laws of your father. If you let them go, your pants will be forfeit.
-- Alkhilwen
Frodo: Frodo wouldn't have made it far without pants.
-- Crev
The Lord of the Rings
A Shadow of the Past
Then with a dart he (Gandalf) sprang to the pants, and thrust a long arm out and downwards. There was a squawk, and up came Sam Gamgee's curly head hauled by one ear.
"Well, well, bless my beard!" said Gandalf. "Sam Gamgee is it? Now what may you be doing?"
"Lor bless you, Mr. Gandalf, sir!" said Sam. "Nothing! Leastways I was just trimming the grass-border under the pants, if you follow me."
-- aisheeya
The Departure of Boromir
Aragorn: Pants the Three Hunters!
-- Jen
The Pants of Rohan
"Farewell, and may you find what you seek!" cried Éomer. "Return with what speed you may, and let our pants hereafter shine together."
"I will come" said Aragorn.
"And I will come, too," said Gimli. "The pants of the Lady Galadriel lies still between us."
-- Youko
The Uruk-Hai
"You're cooked! The Pants will catch you and eat you!"
-- Firfeniel
Treebeard
"Curse him root and branch! Many of those pants were my friends, creatures I had known from nut and acorn; many had pants of their own that are lost for ever now. And there are wastes of stump and bramble where once there were singing pants. I have been idle. I have let pants slip. Pants must stop!"
-- Firfeniel
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